four little hawks

Gut Check Time

2009-11-16T14:52:00.003-07:00

This weekend, the weather here in Colorado asked the Little Hawks a question:

"How committed are you to running every single race in the Fall Series?"

Eli: "I see no reason for this running you speak of!"
Josh: "Is that snow and freezing temperatures I'll be running in? Hmm . . . not so much."

Emma and Hannah:

"We are SO in!!"
I am proud of you, my tough girls!

I'm not saying I understand what would possess a person to leave their warm jammies and run in freezing cold snow, but I really do admire your grit!

Rocket Dog

2009-11-11T19:14:00.003-07:00

"I'm not the man they think I am at home . . .

Oh no no no I'm a rocket man . . .

Rocket maaaannnn burning up his fuse up here alone . . . "

2009-11-09T09:51:00.004-07:00

That's Much Better . . .

2009-11-09T09:30:00.003-07:00

Now this is more like it! Our resident genius photographer has discovered that using a certain person's brother to make him laugh during photo shoots is a surefire way to banish the weird picture face!

Although he works hard to hold it in:

He's no match:

Alright folks, show's over.

2009-11-09T09:22:00.001-07:00

What is cooler than wearing my snowboots everywhere?

Wearing my brother's . . .

Rugby: "Em, didn't Mom tell you not to wear your snowboots hiking?"

B.D.E.

2009-11-07T12:59:00.003-07:00

Best.Dog.
Ever. Ode To Rugby

Oh Rugby of the sweet golden eyes and soft fuzzy muzzle, you are the Best Dog Ever.

No gate or barrier is too heavy or secured so well that it cannot be knocked aside by your head - not because you are an idiot, as I've so often accused in a moment of baseless frustration, but because you are tenacious and crave my company always. When you bark incessantly at the neighbor's dog, it is because you are fastidious about securing your territory, and not because you are a stupid dog, as I've so often exclaimed in sleepy, early morning thoughtlessness! And when you curl your lip and refuse to return the friendly overtures of a sweet yellow Labrador Retriever, it's because you know that often looks can be deceiving, and trust no one who comes running uninvited toward your pack. And that time you ran away to nip at the haunches of that German Shepherd, what did he mean by running around in your field anyway? (He was bigger close up, wasn't he?)

You warm my feet, you make me laugh, you warm my heart.

You Are The Best Dog Ever.

Where Are The Boys??

2009-11-05T10:32:00.004-07:00

Those of you familiar with my blog might be wondering where my two sons have gone. The title of the blog is still Four Little Hawks, yet the past few posts have featured only two of them.

Do they still live here?

Do we still love them?

Well, yes - and yes, we still love them very much indeed.

You see, the problem with posting pictures of the boys on the blog lately is just . . .

You know, it might be easier just to show you.

Lately, when Joel (aka the family photographer) asks the girls to model for him, you get lovely pictures like these:

Conversely, when you ask the boys to pose for a few shots, you get this:
And - Heaven save us - this:

Joshua insists that the 500 shots we have of the above "squinty face" cannot be helped, as he has light colored eyes that are sensitive to the sun. I would argue that he currently has two picture faces, "Squinty" and "Miserable", neither of which are nice to look at.

But Eli . . . oh Eli.

This is the boy with the million dollar, light up the world smile. Yet, you turn a camera on the boy and he assumes the expression of a brain addled lemur. In every picture. I'm convinced that when his future wife and children see pictures from his childhood, they will want to know when and how he recovered from his devastating brain injuries. No matter how many times I show him pictures of himself and try to explain that he should use his "real smile", this is what we get.

He actually had the nerve to act scandalized when I didn't want to order his school pictures this year, and demanded to know why. I don't know the sign for "brain addled lemur", so I just pointed to the proof and gave him the look.

He understood perfectly.

We Heart Snow Boots

2009-11-05T10:12:00.003-07:00

Because they match perfectly with my spider hat . . .

And they make it easier for Daddy to catch me . . .

And they seem to say to the rest of the world, "Look at me! I'm an individual! Whether it's forty degrees outside or eighty, I'm gonna rock these snow boots, just because I can!"
I have recently discovered that there is no footwear quite so desirable as a heavy, hot pair of snow boots. I know this because every morning before school I find myself repeating the phrase,

"Take those snow boots off, your feet are going to roast!" to the general dejection of my daughters. I wonder what it is about them that makes them so fun - so worth exasperating your mother trying to sneak off to school in them? I think you have to be under the age of 10 to get it, so I'm not even going to try. I'm just going to sit back and enjoy my silly girls clomping around on a sunny day, bedecked in boots that, at least in Hannah's case - amount to half their body weight . . . and smile.

Little Miss

2009-10-08T10:34:00.003-06:00

Sass

Good Pictures, According To Me

2009-10-05T10:31:00.004-06:00

This first one is just for funsies, because it is SO rare to catch Eli actually smiling in a photograph. I hold fast to the hope that someday, all of the pictures he takes will have this, his actual smile, in them. We must have 500 or so photos of his "Picture Face", which gives one impression that he has been constipated for several years and becomes increasingly miserable with each passing second.

Joel and I have an ongoing conflict as to what makes a good picture. When looking over his latest pictures, I'll point out the ones I especially like and he tells me why they aren't Good. Maybe it is a manifestation of my ignorance of the Art of Photography, but for me what makes a picture Good is that I like it.
Simple, right?
If it's a nature shot, it has to evoke some sort of emotion for me to declare it "Good".
If it's a portrait - does it capture a part of the personality of it's subject?
If so, then I declare it "Good".
Don't trouble me with tales of faulty framing, or how the lighting could have been better. I'm a busy Mom, and I don't have time for such things.
Here are three more pictures that I think are . . .

Good.

Aren't they?

I'm Back . . . I Hope!

2009-10-05T10:04:00.004-06:00

I'd pretty much given up on updating my blog, in case you hadn't noticed! I originally set it up to keep grandparents living out of town up to date on pictures and what the kids were up to. However, the only grandparent who ever looked at it (my Mom) is now living here, so I really couldn't see the point! Now that the kids are all in school full time, I thought I'd give it another shot and see if I could be more faithful updating it. I won't even attempt to catch up, I'm too far behind! So, here are two big events since my last update. The first, Hannah learned to ride her bike!

Go Hannah!

Next on my list of "Big News" is that Joel and I have finally discovered an upside to him working the night shift. The kids are in school, so we get to go on dates every week! Yep that's right - every week! After over a decade of trying to squeeze in a date every few months if we were lucky, this has been wonderful!Speaking of Joel, he has really been taking some gorgeous pictures lately, which is another reason I couldn't resist resuming the blog - I've just got to share these!

Here are a couple of my recent favorites:

I plan on uploading some more in a separate post, I don't know if Blogger is working differently or if it's just funky today, but I'm having issues with moving the pictures around the text.

It's Because They're Cute!

2009-05-16T17:02:00.003-06:00

Our dogs are not allowed on the couch!

So why do you constantly see pictures of our dogs lounging on the couch? I don't know, it's one of the many unexplained mysteries in my life.

Hiking With Daddy!

2009-05-16T16:47:00.002-06:00

Joel has really gotten into photography, and I think he is really very talented. Eli, ever the observant one, has been collaborating with him on things like composition and framing. So, on this last hiking trip, Joel let Eli use the old camera. He was thrilled, and had a ball taking pictures! Isn't he adorable?

If you haven't guessed yet, "Hiking With Daddy" is going to be a regular installment of the blog, especially when summer arrives and the days are warmer and longer. The kids love to hike, Joel loves to hike, and it gives me the treat of having some alone time at the house. Everyone wins!

Let's Go Fly A Kite!

2009-05-16T16:43:00.003-06:00

Joel found the coolest kite, and he and the boys were so excited to test it out! I guess it was working great and everyone was having the best time - until it hit the ground the wrong way and broke! Oh well, the important thing is that we got some good pictures first!

Another Installment of Hiking With Daddy!!

2009-04-20T11:38:00.004-06:00

The many faces of Emma: "Hey, you talkin' to me?" "Forgetta-bout-it"

Eli and his funky picture faces!!! HATE IT!

So, is he pretending to try and catch her, or pushing her in?

A Visit From Our Cousins!

2009-04-20T10:48:00.005-06:00

Want to see more scary pictures of me without any make up? Of course you do! These photos were too fun not to post, and I figure Camryn's beauty compensates for any lack thereof on my part. It was so wonderful having my sister and her beautiful kids with us over their Spring Break. We were so excited that they chose to spend it with us, despite the stresses of traveling with a toddler - you guys blessed our socks off! I also got to spend Camryn's birthday with her, for the very first time! I wanted to make an extra special cake for her, and had so much fun doing it!

Here we are - the cake is baked and ready for decorating, and Cam is helping me pour the icing into the icing-thingy-whatsit.

Meanwhile, Kelly is very curious about what on earth we could be up to:Cam, Hannah, and Kelly gather round to keep me company and marvel at my cake decorating prowess. Clearly, they are easily impressed! (Note: I do not customarily keep hamster cages on my kitchen table - DESPITE what my mother thinks about my housekeeping skills in general! We had to move it downstairs so he wouldn't keep Jen and Kelly up running in his wheel all night long!)So, here's the deal. My sister has been working very hard on resolving Kelly's attachment issues. She has done an amazing job, I'm truly in awe of her. Kelly is now at the point where she wants her Mama, and that's the end of the story - move to the back of the bus, Auntie! This is a great thing and speaks volumes about Kelly's attachment - but what's an Auntie to do when she only sees her baby niece a couple of times a year and is desperate to connect with her? Well, naturally, she feeds her baby niece icing from a tube.

For the record - anyone who feeds me icing can be my friend, too:Oh yeah, you bet she likes it - check out the smile Auntie is getting:Um, you girls might want to lay off the icing:Voila, the finished product:Not to be outdone, my Mom decided to try making friends with Kelly by giving her a huge bottle of juice. Okay, not really - but Kelly did think it was extra special that she got to sit on the kitchen table and pretend to drink a huge bottle of juice. Listen folks, we have a very limited amount of material available to us - if she thinks it's fun, we'll go for it: My two girls could not have hand picked a more wonderful cousin. Camryn is so patient, kind, and generous every minute she spends with them - though they are so many years younger than she, and I know this can't always be easy. She is such a great example to them, and they adore her. I must say, I join them in that sentiment - I adore you too, Cam!
My husband is ambitious, and sometimes it really pays off. When he told my sister and I that he wanted to get some shots of Hannah and Kelly together, we exchanged glances of shared pity for this foolish man.
However, he did get some really sweet shots of them and we were so glad he took the initiative to give it a try:

Now what can I say about this young man? Frankly, I can't imagine a more impressive guy. I am crazy blessed to have the kind of relationship with him that I do. We crack each other up, and have serious life discussions as well that I enjoy more than I can say. Caleb has an amazing sense of character, integrity, empathy -- and one wicked sense of humor! His wife is going to be a VERY lucky lady, and I am a VERY lucky Auntie!

On their last night in town, Joel took Caleb and Josh out to do some star charting. They had a great time, and I was so happy that Joel really got to spend some time with Caleb. He has heard me rave on and on about him for years! The next day, Joel gave me his verdict - he thinks that Caleb is an amazing guy, too! Caleb, it's unanimous - we're having your plaque engraved and will send it forthwith.

You know what is especially cool about cousins like Caleb and Camryn? When they leave, I see some of their traits have rubbed off on my kids. Now, anyone who is a parent knows that this is going to happen when your children spend extended periods of time with someone else's children. And we've all experienced times where that wasn't such a good thing. But seeing Caleb and Camryn in my kids is always a good thing, and it makes me smile to hear Emma handing down Cam's words of wisdom to Hannah - or when Josh jumps up to help in the kitchen the way he sees Caleb do.

I sure do love you guys! Keep up the good work!

A Flurry of Updates - Can you keep up?

2009-04-20T10:30:00.003-06:00

Once again, I've allowed myself to get horribly behind on my blogging! Since the kids are out of school today, I'm going to try to catch you up in one big blog updating frenzy. First are some recent pictures of Maggie Mae, who is getting bigger and sweeter every day. I was really beginning to wonder if she even had a flaw, so perfect is she in every way. Yesterday, I discovered her flaw.

Her head is made of solid granite.

How do I know this, and does it really constitute a flaw, you ask? I know because while I was bending down to scoop up a pile of laundry, she was jumping up in the general direction of my face- and her big granite head collided with my lip. End result - a big, fat, purple cut lip.

Did I mention the kids are out of school?

Good thing, because I look like I had a street fight. No, you don't get to see pictures.

I know this will disappoint some of you, so I will compensate you with pictures of Maggie during morning nap time. I have no make up on, and my hair is partially wet and looking very weird indeed. There, that's almost as embarassing as busted lip pictures, so you can't call me vain. Yes, yes, I know I posted pictures of Joel with a broken nose, and I'm being a hypocrite.

If you come clean and admit that you're a hypocrite, it's not as bad - look that up, it's a genuine rule.

Ugh, she is so stinkin' cute! I forgive you, Maggie - at least now I know I can take a punch, right?

Hannah Turns Six!

2009-03-31T09:54:00.006-06:00

"Um, Mommy, you don't think you're done updating your blog yet, do you?" "Helloooo! I had a birthday! You have to do my birthday post!"

"Okay, listen up guys, I'm gonna tell you how it went down!""So, first I opened presents, I got some great stuff, no kidding! Then, I ate muffins for breakfast - my Mom made two kinds because I couldn't decide on my favorite. Turns out that having two kinds is my favorite! After that, my Mommy took my sister and I to Build A Bear workshop, which was my gift from MomMom and PopPop. Who do you think forgot the camera when we went to the mall? I'll give you a hint - it wasn't me or Emma. After we built our bears, we ate soft pretzels and ice cream for lunch. My Mommy is awesome, right?!""So, my Mommy made me a birthday cake in the shape of a lamb. She tried to convince me it was an Easter themed cake, but it's my birthday and I wanted a lamb, so you can guess how that went. Thing is, we don't have any pictures of the cake, either. Right before cake time, my sister got her hamster out and he was rolling through the house in his ball. We all thought this was very cute! Well, all of us except for my Rinnie. She sat in the living room with her feet tucked under her and shrieked whenever the hamster ball rolled in her direction. Wierd, right?Then, it happened! We had a little disaster with the hamster escaping his ball, everyone screaming, and the dogs trying to eat the hamster. It took my Mommy and Daddy so long to catch that hamster that cake time happened much later than usual. It was so worth it, you should have seen all the excitement caused by one tiny hamster. That guy can run like grease lightening!"

"I think my Mommy was so shaken up by the incident with the loose rodent that she completely forgot to take pictures of me blowing out my candles and everyone singing to me. That's okay, I know how rodents rattle her. Wait, do you suppose that birthday wishes still count if no one takes a picture of you while you're making it???"

New Pictures!

2009-03-31T09:34:00.004-06:00

Here are some pictures my sister has been asking for since I had the girls' hair cut a couple of weeks ago - Jen I figured I should post them before you got here and told me off in person. :) Fishy Faces - I love Hannah's face in this picture, which is the only thing that would motivate me to post a picture of myself making a fishy face.

Getting ready to celebrate Hannah's 6th birthday! This is our new baby, Gracie. I found a new home for the budgies when I met a local lady who has an aviary in her home. She raises cockatiels and has a free flight room where the budgies can fly around all day to their hearts' content! Yay budgies - no more cage! While we were there, Josh and this little gal fell in love. She has misshapen feet, so she can't land properly - hence the name Grace. The lady had rescued her and planned on keeping her as she is so tame and sweet. However, she let us take Gracie home, and Jane is SO happy to finally have a buddy. Gracie is beautiful, and has the sweetest disposition. We just love her!

Check this one out - Maggie has gotten huge! She is quite the character and can always find some trouble to get into. One of her latest exploits is jumping on top of the dining table when we all come home. This way she has better access to our faces to give us kisses. Unfortunately for her, when I finished laughing, I pulled her off the table and reminded her about the "no dogs on the furniture" rule. In this photo, she's once again testing out the "no dogs on the furniture" rule. "Mom, do end tables count? They don't right? Look, I fit perfectly!"

Look at her face - looking at her, I'd swear she knows deep down that end tables do count as furniture!

Am I The Worst Blogger, Or What?

2009-03-21T18:53:00.007-06:00

Dogs are great, and they're cute - so they always make great blog material. Here are Rugby and Chili, to show you just a few of the many reasons dogs are so fabulous.

Reason #1:

They always do this when you come in the door - even if you just went out to get the mail:Reason #2

If you get bored, you can count how many times their tongue will wrap around their head:

Reason #3:

They love to pose for pictures:

Reason #4

If you are too tired to exercise your children, they'll do it for you:

Reason #5

Come on, just look at these faces:

Now that I have you convinced as to the obvious superiority of dogs to any other pet,

here are some pictures of the kids:

A Little Perspective Goes a Long Way

2009-03-07T10:29:00.002-07:00

Yesterday was such a "down" day that I really didn't want to go to our therapy session last evening. I was feeling "all done", and tired of even thinking about all of it. I'm so glad I made myself go, because it ended up being one of the best sessions yet.
I was able to share openly how I was feeling, which was cleansing.
I also shared a couple of what I saw as small victories we'd had over the week, and our therapist pointed out that they were NOT small, but super huge. Just hearing him explain why these couple of events were huge strides for Hannah (he even drew me a picture, lol) really gave me a new burst of energy and hope. I really needed to see that we are moving in the right direction, that something is happening. I also needed to see that it's okay for me to feel frustrated and angry sometimes, it isn't a reflection on me as a person - it just means that I am one.
I'll just share our victories now:

We took the kids to see "Bolt" Monday night. During a pretty emotional scene, I felt Hannah put her arm through mine. I looked down at her and was shocked to see tears in her eyes. I have NEVER seen Hannah cry genuine tears. Not only was she crying without any ulterior motive, these were tears of empathy - another thing I've never seen her exhibit.
During our holding session yesterday, Hannah made eye contact for a full 30 seconds. She's never made it past six seconds!

Our therapist also encouraged me by saying that even though some days will seem "one step forward, two steps back", we will never go all the way back to zero. We will continue to move towards Hannah being healed. That is all I needed to hear.

After our session, my Mom gave Joel and I a big treat by watching the kids and we went out for Thai food. I'm feeling so much better, thank you guys who left sweet words of support, they worked!

Endless Winter

2009-03-06T08:43:00.003-07:00

That is where I feel like I am right now, a long winter with no end in sight.

I think I've hit the proverbial wall - I've lost my mojo, my groove . . . you get the picture. We've been seeing our attachment therapist weekly and doing all of the "right" things to help Hannah heal. I was prepared for having a long, hard road ahead of us. I was geared up and feeling full of purpose and motivation. I was relieved to have finally named the shadow over my daughter and ready to fight it to the death. I guess I wasn't prepared for all of that to slowly leak out of me until I found myself here again. In the place where I feel defeated and exhausted mentally, spiritually, and physically. In my efforts to bond and attach with Hannah, she has matched me play for play. We saw some really encouraging results those first couple of weeks, but I'm afraid it was our new tactics just threw her temporarily off her game. She has responded by throwing new behaviors into the mix, and I just feel so tired. I can't explain what it's like when every single bit of your mental and emotional energy is used up just trying to keep it all together. Keeping a warm, loving smile on your face when what you want to do is scream and shout. Forcing yourself to hug and love on your child when you'd much rather not even be in the same room with them because they've just spent the past several hours doing everything they can to drive you insane. She wants to push me away . . . I get it.

It's working.

It's working, and I'm deeply disappointed in myself. Our therapist keeps assuring me that what I do matters much more than what I feel. I know this, but I keep waiting and hoping that I'll start to feel differently - because having to keep such careful guard over myself during every minute of every day is making me feel seriously fried. There is this feeling of being constantly switched "ON", of always being poured out without the opportunity to recharge.

I feel like I may win a blog award for the whiniest post in history. Surely I'm at least in the running after this one. It's hard to put myself out there like this, to be so raw in such a public place. But the alternative would completely negate the reasons I chose to share about our family's battle with attachment disorder in the first place.

This is where I honestly am, and maybe someone reading this is there too, and now they know they aren't alone.

The bright side of all of this is that as much as I might feel like giving up, I won't.

I will continue to fight for my daughter, no matter how bleak my chances look right now.

Maybe I won't win, but I won't stop.

I'm her mother, and whether or not that idea ever appeals to her - here we are, walking this road together.

Glimpses of Spring

I see God's hand, reassuring me when I need it the most. Just when I feel like the call I felt to adopt was probably just indigestion, He shows me that I really am supposed to be here. There is a certain little boy who has spent the last year with friendly-to-ambivalent feelings towards me at best. But on a daily basis, he comes closer. First, he began reluctantly allowing me to show him affection. It was clear he was humoring me at first, but then one day I felt him relax into my embrace, and noticed an expectant look on his face as he waited for his goodbye kiss before school. Then, he began initiating affection towards me. Now, we're just in a full blown love fest. In fact, last night Eli initiated his first ever "group hug" while I was hugging Emma good night. Oh, let me tell you - it took my breath away.

Emma said, "Wow, I think that's the first time Eli's hugged me on purpose!"

(I should have asked how he'd happened to hug her by accident.)

Now that the group hug stage has been reached, this weekend I'm going to teach him to sing Cumbaya. It's time.

Eli's new favorite thing to do is help me make dinner. He's the kind of child that you only have to show something once, and he's got it down. While we cook, we talk - two way conversations being another new development in our relationship. He likes my sense of humor, it's alot like his. We joke, tease, and laugh alot together. I feel like I've been given the most amazing gift, watching this boy heal - watching him become. And that's when I know that I'm supposed to be here, that I'm on the path that was meant for me.

Even though it's uphill most of the way, and it's rocky and my shoes fell apart long ago and I'd love to just sit down and refuse to walk any farther.

I know that God wouldn't have placed me somewhere hope didn't exist.

That's just not how He works, and because I know that, I choose to keep walking.

Happy Birthday Miss Abby!!

2009-03-05T07:23:00.003-07:00

This little pumpkin is five years old today! How can that be??

Happy Birthday sweet love - give your Mommy lots of hugs from me today!

Fundraiser for Anna Grace!

2009-03-01T08:12:00.002-07:00

The Kreuer family needs your help to bring their sweet daughter Anna Grace home from China!

Carrie is one of my best blog buddies, she was in the process for her daughter MJ around the same time we were adopting Eli. Since we were both adopting older children, we were able to support each other via email during some of the tougher transitional moments!

Not long after receiving their referral for Anna Grace, their family suffered an unthinkable loss when MJ died in a tragic accident. Medical and funeral expenses took a huge toll, making it impossible for them to fund this second adoption on their own. The adoption community has really come alongside this family, organizing some amazing fundraisers, and I wanted to give my blog readers a chance to be a part of Anna Grace's journey home. Here is the link to Carrie's blog which has all the details:

http://kreuerfundraiser.blogspot.com/

I will also be adding this link to my sidebar.
Please help if you can, and hold this family up in prayer!

Big Day For Emma!

2009-02-22T16:52:00.006-07:00

Emma got her ears pierced today!

Here she is very carefully choosing her first earrings:Decisions like these take alot of time, but she finally settled on her birthstone:

Emma goofed around while I signed a waiver acknowledging that her ears might fall off - and if they should fall off, I am not to hold the store responsible.

She is still blissfully unaware that we're watching her ears for signs of coming loose:Now that she's in the chair, I think the nerves are setting in:

Gulp:
They pierce both ears at the same time now - everyone but me probably already knew that.

One . . . Two . . . Three!

She didn't cry, but her sweet little face turned bright red and I could tell she was fighting off the tears with a mighty effort. Right after it was done, one of the girls asked Emma if she wanted to see them.

Emma's response was "NO!" She then collected herself and explained, "That hurt alot more than I thought it would", and accepted a mirror after all. I think she was happy with the result:

She looks like such a big girl:

I got a little teary watching my daughter go through this little rite of passage. I know that might seem silly! I was about her age when my Mom took me to get my ears pierced, and I remember well the excitement and the nerves and how I couldn't stop examining my new earrings in the mirror all day long.

Hannah is now, of course, begging to get her ears pierced. I told her we'd talk about it again in about three years.

~ Jen

Hiking With Daddy

2009-02-21T18:48:00.010-07:00

Wild Child:

This is Emma's new best friend, Pepper - he enjoyed the hike too:

Eli's New Picture Face (Ugh):

Hannah Gets Centered:

New Camera!

2009-02-18T18:38:00.004-07:00

Hey Strangers!
Sorry it's been so long since my last update! Joel has been setting up our new computer all week, and this is the first time I've actually been able to pawn the puppy off on him and blog a little. Maggie is growing like a weed and finally housebroken and sleeping through the night!
Good dog Maggie!
We are also the very proud owners of a brand new camera, which we are super excited about. I actually haven't taken any pictures with it yet (again, puppy training is much more time consuming than I remembered), but Joel's having a ball playing with it. I think he's discovered his inner artiste. Here are some of the first photos with the new camera - they haven't been touched up yet so you're not seeing them at their best, but they are still so much better than what our old camera could capture:

Josh racing to get to the front seat first after school. I'll bet Emma is close behind yelling things like "No Fair!", and "Stop Josh!" - he doesn't look a bit remorseful, does he?:Eli is working very hard to become the world's least photogenic person. This picture was much better than his usual picture face, so this is the one and only photo of him in this update. I'm going to have to find a way to bribe him:
Josh and his number one lady, Jane. These two are so cute together, she goes berserk whenever he walks into a room:

Maggie, keeping watch over her puppy food and dreaming of kibble:

Hannah just being silly!

I love this one, she looks like someone just tried to explain algebra to her. Actually, I guess it's more accurate to say this is the face I make when someone tries to explain it to me:These shots of Emma are so sweet, I think they'll be lovely when we lighten them up a bit:

Joel was directing Emma, trying to get her to lift her hair out of her face and pose. She said, "What do you think this is? A fashion show?"

You didn't really think you were getting out of here without another dog picture, did you?? If so, you must be very new to this blog. This is how Rugby looks at me when I'm blowing bubbles with my gum. I wonder what he thinks is happening?

My Sister, The Celebrity

2009-02-02T16:32:00.003-07:00

I just had to share this -

Today while picking up Hannah from school, one of the other kindergarten Mommies told me that after following a link to my blog and seeing photos of me, she realized she's been following my sister's blog for quite some time now!
Jen, you are so cool that even people in MY life know you before they know me, lol!
Seriously though, I think one of the things that is so awesome about the blogger world is having the opportunity to connect with people walking a similar road, or people praying over our families through our joys and struggles - even while we are unaware they are doing so. I know it warms my heart to think that as my sister was in China, someone here in Colorado Springs was praying for her. And I am very thankful for all of the people I've "met" via blogland that I would otherwise never have had the opportunity to know.
So - Joel and all of you other confused husbands out there, that's why we blog.

~ Jen
(Must now rescue howling Maggie from her crate . . . Oy.)

Maggie Mae

2009-02-01T15:59:00.005-07:00

Maggie Mae

"Don't wake up, Maggie, cause we got nothin' to say to you . . . "

Joel's rendition of the classic Rod Stewart song, which he sang to her last night before bed.

No, it didn't work - she still had something to say. Sleeping at night isn't really her thing.

Yawn.

Honestly, I'd forgotten how much work a puppy this young is! We got Chili and Rugby when they were about 13 weeks old, and mostly housebroken. Running her outside every half hour and several times at night is really kicking my can! Ah well, it's all worth it in the end. And the truth is, she has me completely smitten with her sweet eyes, and all of other puptastic things.

Of course, I know she'll look much cuter with a full night's sleep behind me - somewhere in the next month or so!

Pup-date

2009-01-30T07:39:00.002-07:00

I mentioned in my previous post that I was having some anxiety about Lucy's temperament. I've actually been feeling very nervous about my choice since the second time we visited her. I couldn't ignore my gut feelings any longer and called the breeder yesterday to discuss my concerns. I ended up going over yesterday afternoon, observing the litter for about an hour, and choosing another puppy. During the hour I watched her, I noticed Lucy was not only very fearful of me, but also cowered and tucked her tail around the breeder. I was really hoping I'd see things that encouraged me about her, but the more I watched her the more I knew she wasn't a good fit for us.

I'd never interacted with the other puppies much, so I spent some time with the three that were still available. Two beautiful yellow boys and one adorable black female. The boys were so tempting! They were gorgeous, sweet, playful, and just downright puppylicious. The female was outgoing and inquisitive, not too dominant, and very sweet - exactly what I was looking for. I'm sure the breeder thinks I'm a nut, and the kids felt we'd abandoned poor Lucy - but I feel so much better about this choice. Getting a dog is making a 13+ year commitment, and I want to make sure we get the right one for our family dynamic.

After much discussion on the matter, none of us could bear to just switch the name we'd so painstakingly chosen over to another dog.
We took a vote and settled on Maggie Mae.
We pick her up this afternoon, so prepare yourselves - this blog will soon be inundated with puppy pictures, videos of the family reveling in puppy raptures, and lots of stupid puppy stories that I find hilarious and you find ridiculous.

~ Jen

If I had my way . . .

2009-01-28T09:15:00.002-07:00

This is how I would spend all of my time:

My Mom and I went to visit Lucy this past weekend - she gets to come home Friday!

Having never chosen a puppy this young before, I'm starting to feel nervous about my choice. We've had some fantastic luck with pups that were a bit shy at first, but we've also had one very bad experience.

See her tail tucked in the second photo from the top? Not good!
She seemed fine with her litter mates and the breeder's family, so I'm hoping she's just a bit slow to warm up and it will all work out.

Thank you all so much for the wonderful comments about our situation with Hannah. They really meant alot, and it is great to know that we are being covered in prayer. We are making progress, though it feels slow at times! This past week I've been working on holding her while she's having one of her "rages". When we were first introduced to this step, I wondered if that wasn't positively reinforcing really bad behavior. The first time I tried it, I realized how deep Hannah's wounds really are. She hated it. There isn't a strong enough word to describe how crazy she went, but I certainly dropped the idea that I was providing positive reinforcement real quick. The whole ordeal was very powerful, and at the end of two hours we shared some of the most tender, honest moments that we have ever had.

Another assignment we've been carrying out is scheduling Snuggle Time in twice a day. Snuggle time is when she spends some time listening to my heart and tapping out the beats with her fingers, then we wrap up by her maintaining eye contact with me for a period of 30 seconds. That doesn't sound like a long time, but it is extremely difficult for her. She can't hold eye contact for more than three seconds right now. I have a little word of advice for new adoptive parents - make sure that your little one is making actual eye contact with you! I really thought that Hannah was, which is another reason it took me so long to come to the conclusion that we were dealing with an attachment disorder. Now that we are spending purposeful time just looking at each other, I realize that she looks at my mouth, or some other part of my face rather than into my eyes. If I wasn't paying so much attention, it would be easy to miss.

I am seeing Hannah responding well to the new set of consequences we're employing. And a couple of times now, we've had some nice conversations. Before therapy, Hannah talked incessantly, but she never actually communicated the way a normal relational person would. I can't tell you how amazing it was when yesterday Hannah told me all about an interesting project her classmate had done. I'm making a point to celebrate every little tiny victory, it gives me strength for the next battle.

Speaking of strength, I wonder if I could make a specific prayer request? While I still feel great that we are on the right track and already making strides, I've been struggling with feeling overwhelmed and extremely run down. I've had a nasty cold, and I'm sure that isn't helping. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and feel discouraged before even getting up. I think it has to do with having to be "ON" every single second - measuring every word, expression, and action with Hannah throughout the day. So, if your praying and I happen to come to mind, would you pray for strength for me? Thank You!

~ Jen

Getting Real . . .

2009-01-20T11:20:00.003-07:00

I'm always hesitant to deviate from the "sunny fun" tone of my blog. For one thing, if we're close you already know all of it, and if we aren't, I doubt you'll find my troubles particularly enthralling. But lately I've been wondering if it wouldn't do some good - at the very least for myself and maybe, even better, for someone else - to get a little gritty and be real about where our lives are right now.
So here it is folks, the real deal:

If I'm being completely honest, I knew deep down that something was wrong the moment they placed her in my arms. There was no hard evidence to support my gut feeling, she did all of the things the books say a traumatized and grieving toddler will do - but I knew all the same that there was something more.

Her first year home was the most grueling time -physically, emotionally, and spiritually - of my entire life. The experts told us that might happen, that all of this was normal. I truly believed things would start to settle down after that first year. I counted down the days like a prisoner awaiting freedom from a particularly cruel sentence. But I honestly believed that if I did all the right things, that if I just loved her enough, everything would turn out fine.While I clung to this hope, in my quiet moments I spiraled ever deeper into anger and despair.

I'd done all my homework going into this adoption. I knew all about Attachment Disorders, and in my more honest moments, I suspected that Hannah fell somewhere on that spectrum, but the implications of that were so frightening to me that I quickly hushed those thoughts.

As we near the four year mark, I began to believe that this was it. I started to believe that there was no hope, and that my happy family and tranquil home were just gone forever. And now she was struggling in school, too. I felt powerless to help my daughter, powerless to give my other children the happy home they deserve.

Most of all, I felt like an absolute failure. After all, don't good mothers overflow with loving patience? Don't good mothers feel invigorated by their children rather than drained completely dry? Aren't their hearts filled with compassion rather than defeat and anger? As a matter of fact, there were days when I felt like I couldn't stand her. What mother could feel that way about her child?

I think that was one of the main factors in my waiting so long to seek help. I was ashamed that I had to reach out, to admit that I didn't know how to parent one of my children. I was ashamed that I was struggling to love my daughter, and I was afraid that if I did reach out for help, I would find none. I was afraid to admit defeat (or what I saw as defeat), and I was afraid to hope that things could get better. I guess at some point we all have to get up from our defeated position curled up on the floor, no matter how scary that prospect might be. I'm not exactly sure when the moment was that I decided to get up, or why. I just did.It feels so good to stand again.

Now that I was up, I wasn't sure what to do next. I started with her pediatrician, who sent us to a neurologist. The idea was to rule out anything neurological that could be causing her behavior and learning issues. I won't even go into that whole ordeal - it was an ordeal, for sure. Once they ruled out anything neurological, I began the search for an Attachment Therapist. This wasn't as daunting as I'd initially thought, due in large part to the book "When Love Is Not Enough", by Nancy Thomas. If you can relate to any part of this post, I would highly recommend this book.

One of the many benefits I gleaned was how to tell an Attachment Therapist who knows their stuff from one who doesn't. This was invaluable to me, and saved us quite a bit of stress and heartache we might have experienced bouncing from one therapist to the next.

I did find a therapist in town who specializes in attachment and works exclusively with the child's parents - the idea being that the child's best therapist is their parent, and I wanted a therapist who could equip Joel and I to help Hannah heal.

In two sessions, he's given us some tools and alot of insight into dealing with her behaviors. He's helped us understand what's really behind them, and helping us learn positive ways to interact and connect with her. Interacting and connecting with your child probably sounds like something you shouldn't need to learn to do. That's what I used to think! Moms are just supposed to know this stuff, right? But it's completely different with a detached child.

To get an idea of what it's like, I recommend finding a large, angry porcupine and giving it a nice snuggle - maybe even try spooning with it for awhile. Doesn't sound like much fun? Well, that's how "connecting" with Hannah used to sound to me.

The greatest part about the therapy is, I'm already seeing a huge difference. Admittedly, the differences in Hannah are subtle thus far - but they are there. But the difference in myself is monumental! I feel like ME again, I feel empowered and calm and in control. I feel myself starting to delight in my family again, and I find myself looking at Hannah with brand new eyes. In fact, when I look at her, I make a point to picture to myself the little girl she really is inside. I see the real Hannah behind the behaviors that are really just a protective mask - the one who has been through hell, suffered so much pain, and needs me to come and get her.In so many ways, we haven't really brought Hannah home yet.I've found what I've been missing for four years - Hope.

We still have a long journey ahead of us, and I know that there will be many steps back for every step we take forward. The difference is that I'm no longer fighting this battle blind, helpless, and hopeless. I wish that I had sought help four years ago, that I'd realized that "more love" wasn't the key component here - and I wish I'd been strong enough to admit that I wasn't strong enough!

I'm not going to look back and wallow in that regret, I'm only going to look forward to our future together. I plan on talking more about this as we continue on this journey, and share some of the techniques we're learning in our therapy sessions. I sincerely hope that maybe our story will serve to strengthen another lost Mom.This post has taken me over a week to write, and I feel terrified that I'm actually posting it. It makes me feel so naked somehow . . . putting it out for everyone to see and judge.
I keep thinking how it would have helped me to know I wasn't alone in this, and that is what gives me the courage to hit the "Publish Post" button. :)

BMX Fun!

2009-01-19T10:33:00.003-07:00

2009-01-16T20:14:00.003-07:00

Aren't puppies just the cutest? Of course they are!

Everyone loves puppies, especially itty bitty lab puppies like these:Come home with me? No! Don't be ridiculous! Aw Geez . . . look at that face! No . . . No . . . It's just not possible. I already have two dogs!
No, I don't care how much your Mom likes my Mom!

Or how sweet my little boy looks holding your sister:

Yes, they all look very sweet together - but it's just not going to work out between you and I. You see, I'm really busy, and . . . wow your puppy breath smells good.

What was I saying? Oh yes, I'm very busy.

Now don't go smelling my little boy, you'll only get attached and make this harder on both of us.
Not the sad eyes and the cute puppy lips! Oh that's just not playing fair!
You're right, you are even cuter with my husband kissing you . . .
Me hold you? No, I couldn't possibly . . . well, just for a minute. I'm not supposed to have my picture taken because I got a really stupid haircut - but I suppose pictures holding puppies are an exception. You know what? You are obviously a puppy with impeccable taste in children, men, and you are graciously oblivious to bad haircuts. These are not qualities you find in just any dog. You really are something special . . . and that puppy breath is simply amazing!

Okay, listen . . . I'll be back to get you in two weeks my sweet little Lucy.

And that's my final word.

2009-01-13T10:57:00.003-07:00

I know it's been forever since my last update! So first of all, Happy New Year! We had a really fun New Year's Eve playing board games with the kids. Once again, it was so neat having my Mom here with us making fun memories together as a family. All the kids made it until midnight in various states of catatonia - which made them much easier to beat at Monopoly. I also took advantage of some sales and replenished our craft supplies, and this is what I found bright and early on New Year's Day:
We have quite a little nation of alien PomPom creatures now - but most amazing was the absolute silence through the house when I woke up that morning. I generally awaken to the sounds of children arguing over the remote or the ear splitting sounds of boisterous wrestling matches breaking out - both things much more easily dealt with after a few cups of coffee. No, this wonderful morning there was only the collective silence of little minds buzzing with creativity.Even the budgies got in on the fun - "Hey Emma, build us a new buddy!" We also launched the boys' model rockets on what had to be the windiest day in history. I was a huge wimp and waited in the car for most of that. In my defense, I had two contact lenses full of dirt and ears that were aching in time to my heartbeat after standing outside in the cold wind for just ten minutes. Still, now I'm "the Mom that waited in the car", so I've got to find a way to redeem myself by doing something really tough and brave.
Suggestions are welcome . . .

We tried to get some video of that day, but they didn't turn out very well so I'm posting a video of the second launch. Can you tell Eli loved it?

Joel and the boys had such a great time building and launching them together - good call Joel!

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-27T21:01:00.002-07:00

Merry Christmas!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!

We were so very blessed this year, and the kids had a great Christmas Day. Unfortunately, I came down with a whopper of a stomach bug the day before Christmas Eve, and was down for the count for three whole days. It's literally been years since I was that sick, and it was miserable! I have to say that it did make me even more thankful for my wonderful husband, who took amazing care of me, and took over the house and kids even after working all night. I am a very lucky girl and he is my HERO!

Joel, you are awesome!

By Christmas Day I was dizzy and weak but at least able to be upright for a few minutes at a time and enjoy my little ones enjoying their day. No big Christmas meal for us, Joel may be awesome but preparing Holiday Feasts is not in his bag of tricks! We'll just look forward to a New Year's Feast instead. Enough of my holiday puke stories, and on to the pictures and other good stuff!

Merry Christmas Pictures!

2008-12-27T20:19:00.006-07:00

Here they are, posing before the festivities begin - Emma always closes her eyes, so after awhile we just give up and accept that at least the other three look conscious. Josh was not as depressed as he looks, I promise! And isn't Eli cute signing "Happy"?

Digging into the stockings! Maybe this is a weird tradition, but I always put new underwear in their stockings - it's not the only thing in their stockings, don't worry! In this picture, Emma and Hannah have gotten to the good stuff underneath the underwear, and Eli is still pulling out underwear - notice the outrage on his face as he peers over at Emma's new toy!
Joel was very excited that he and the boys will be building model rockets to launch this year, just like he did growing up:

Ah, now Eli's got the Christmas spirit. New Legos from MomMom and PopPop:

Hannah's MaMaw sent her very first Piggy Bank!

MomMom and PopPop got Josh a video game he's been wanting forever! May the force be with you, MomMom and PopPop!

Hannah's big present from Joel and I was her very own dollhouse and furnishings:

And Emma was the ecstatic recipient of a brand new bike! And not just a regular bike, no sir! It's a BMX bike. A very boyish BMX bike. Which I have no issues with, and I certainly did not stare enviously at the couple in front of me in the bike shop, there buying their daughter her very first bike - a lovely purple and white very girlie bike. Because Emma is her own person, and if she prefers a boy's blue and orange BMX bike to a lovely cruising bike with sweet little pink and white hearts all over it, then I fully support her. Do you hear me? Fully.

The best part about Emma's bike is that she had no idea she was getting it. She's been begging for one for a very long time, and we'd told her we'd try and get it for her birthday in May. Here is the video of my very excited little sweetie. Please ignore the sickly looking brunette woman dashing into the kitchen in her pajamas - I don't know who that is, but those pajamas make her look fat and her haircut is weird:

Both girls received matching pajama sets for themselves and their dolls from MomMom and PopPop, they are so cute! I hate that this picture of Emma was so blurry, but it was too cute not to post:

Peek-A-Boo Puppies

2008-12-19T19:33:00.006-07:00

I can't stand it when people have animals and don't take proper care of them. For instance, when people have dogs that are left outside all of the time, no matter what the temperature. What is it with those people - why even have pets at all? What is the point of having a pet that you have no desire to interact with, thereby leaving the helpless animal to suffer from your neglect?

Unfortunately, we have neighbors like this. It started with a darling little golden retriever puppy, who sat outside in their back yard crying pitifully all day long - rain or shine, sleet or snow. Humanitarians that they are, they were unwilling to let this puppy suffer alone, so they added another - this time one of those sweet fluffy little goldendoodle thingies. The best I can say is that at least they have each other. Amazingly, their lack of proper loving care has not impacted their sweetness - they are really just SO sweet it would break your heart.

Why am I talking about my neighbor's poor pooches? I promise I have a reason! Today I found this in our back yard:

To be fair, it's possible that one of our dogs knocked out this portion of the fence. It's a very old fence, after all. I think it's more likely that we had some very bored Retrievers working at the wood on the other side - maybe they hatched an escape plan? Here's how I imagine that went:

Golden: "Cute fuzzy friend, I really hate our owners."

Doodle: "Me too, if I could just remember what they looked like, I'd bare my teeth while picturing their faces."

Golden: "Those dogs next door have it made, have you noticed they only go outside to use the bathroom, and then they go right back in?? And I've seen their Mom give them treats - and she always talks so sweetly to us too."

Doodle: "Yeah, she's one gorgeous human."

Golden: "Say . . . there's only this rickety old fence between us and her . . . if we dug long and hard enough, I bet we'll get through."

Doodle: "You are a cuddly genius! And so cute too! Once we're over there, she'll never be able to resist our fuzzy perfection. We'll be curled up at her feet eating doggie cookies before the sun sets! Put your cutest face on, we're going in!!"

"Um, wait - move your head over a bit, we're almost through . . . arrrrggggghhhh this is not working out quite like I thought!! Rats! Well at least we can see the pretty nice human better like this. Hey pretty nice human! Give us a hand, would you? Okay . . . give us a cookie??"

Sweet

2008-12-09T15:40:00.001-07:00

Eli

2008-12-09T11:22:00.004-07:00

It is so hard for me to grasp how far this little guy has come in just one year. He had so much to contend with - learning to communicate, a new home, family, and school. And he's done more than excel, he's knocked our socks off with how quickly he has learned and adjusted to all of the changes. I can say confidently that I would not have done have so well in his shoes.

Our next project will be working on the funky picture face you see above. That has got to go.

But that's not what I wanted to tell you about today.
For the past year, we've really struggled with concepts of empathy and compassion with Eli. These are things that we model to our children from their earliest hours, yet were not modeled to Eli during so many of his crucial formative years. But I knew, from the moment I saw him that a sweet and tender spirit lived within this boy. Though I've had cause to doubt that intuition several times this year, deep down I knew that if we would feed and cultivate what was already in his heart, it would eventually rise to the surface.

In the beginning, Eli was all about what he had, what he could get, and whether or not he had more than the other children. If he received candy at school, he was careful to save the empty wrapper so that he could wave it triumphantly in front of his siblings. But something has changed - he's no longer counting french fries to ensure that someone else doesn't have more than he does. He's no longer coming to me in tears because he just noticed that Josh has one more Bionicle than he does. Which leads me to the story I did come here to tell you:

Last week, Eli came home from school the proud recipient of a Hostess cupcake.
He was very excited about this cupcake, folks. Instead of eating it right away, he decided to save it and it sat on the counter for almost a week. The other night he asked for it, unwrapped the cupcake, and asked me for a knife.
"Oh great," I thought, "he's going to mangle the thing before eating it." I even wondered if maybe he was making a process out of it to ensure that his siblings were fully aware that he was in possession of a very yummy chocolate cupcake. Eli took the knife, and carefully divided that little bitty cupcake into four equal portions, and then he handed one to each of the other kids. This meant that Eli enjoyed exactly one bite of the cupcake.
Joel and I were floored.

He did it without any fanfare, and was very excited that he was able to give something to his brother and sisters. He insisted they all sit at the table and enjoy their nibble together. It was a wonderful opportunity not only to praise Eli for this amazing act of selflessness (Would I have shared my only cupcake? Um . . . are ya crazy??), but to point out his example to the other three children.

What a perfect example of Christ Eli showed in that moment - to give everything that he had to those he loves. I know that God was glorified by that simple action, and it made me see that through all of the battles we've been fighting, God has been working in Eli's heart. Christmas definitely came early for me this year!

Oops! I almost forgot to update on what we've heard so far with his speech. He had a new audio gram done this week, which produced the exact same results we've seen all along. The school speech therapist is going to have a look at him and we'll go from there. The audiologist thinks that Eli is just a very talented boy who has been reading our lips and mouth movements very carefully all this time until he was able to imitate them. I completely agree with the 'very talented' part! He will probably begin receiving some speech services, since he is very enthusiastic about learning to speak. In fact, he's driving me a little batty pointing out everything in the house and wanting me to teach him to say it - all day long - and I mean everything from coupons to the labels on soup cans!

Deck The Halls . . . And Also Daddy???

2008-12-08T13:41:00.007-07:00

This weekend we headed out to choose our Christmas tree, and yesterday set about decorating it. The kids were all so excited and we had a great time. It was so nice having my Mom here this year for tree trimming! The kids take turns putting the star on the top of the finished tree, and this year Josh was up, literally:

Stop the presses, folks! I got a picture of Joel smiling!

Behold, a bona fide Christmas Miracle:

Remember I promised I would not be photographed until my hair grows out? Yes Joel, this goes for tree trimming too. After much badgering, I finally consented to him snapping ONE picture, on ONE condition: I would use my bad hair to cover my face:

My Mom loves Christmas - and Josh. You put the two together, and she makes this face:

Eli was determined to put every ornament on a bottom branch.

Here he is demonstrating just why he does that:

Nope Eli, that excuse just won't cut it. If Hannah can manage some higher branches, so can you. By the way - see that can of soda on the table next to Hannah? When the tree was finished, we turned out all the house lights and prepared ourselves to be dazzled by our glittering masterpiece. I bent to plug in the tree lights, and knocked the entire contents of the soda can all over the carpet. I am happy to say that I did not curse out loud, and it all came out of the carpet. I thought the soda was all the disaster we could expect out of one day. Silly, naive little me.

After the tree was trimmed and lit, I began preparing dinner and Daddy began seriously riling up the kids with a very loud, chaotic wrestling match. I admit, I am the kill joy of the family. I'm always the one saying "Slow Down!", or "Watch out for the sheer drop off!", or "Don't point that dart gun at your sister's eye!"

Think I'm just being funny?

I've actually said each one of those phrases within the past two months, at least.

So you'll understand why as the wrestling match continued to escalate in both noise and chaos, I started getting nervous. I started watching the clock, wondering how long it would take before someone was screaming or bleeding - or more likely - both. I wondered which kid it would be, and how bad it would be.

Then it happened.

Looking back, I realize that I did hear a sickening "crack" and "snap" before Joel came running into the kitchen with blood pouring from his face and four very frightened looking little hawks following closely behind.

Apparently Emma came shooting backwards out of a crouch, directly into Joel's unsuspecting nose - and broke it. Emma was devastated, and cried inconsolably for a long while.

Despite the horror of the situation, it was sort of funny to hear her sobbing,

"Daddy I'm soooooo sorry I broke your nose!"

Just another of those phrases you never expected to hear your kid say.

Joel's nose is slightly crooked, very swollen, and I'm sure very painful (though he'd never admit that) but he refused to visit Urgent Care and opted to be nursed at home instead:

And who do you think his nurse was? Well, Hannah of course! While I mopped up the bloody footprints that were all over the place, Hannah pitched in and cleaned up the source:
I forced Joel to let me take this picture of him before he left for work. Oh, okay - you can't really force Joel to do anything. But it took alot of persuasion (read: "whining, pleading, and badgering") for me to gain permission to document this Gigantic Nose:

Oops! I mean, this momentous occasion:

Twas the night before an EEG and all through the house . . .

2008-12-08T10:41:00.013-07:00

Every creature was stirring - ahem - well, except for this one:Hannah had an EEG last week and needed to be sleep deprived for the test. This meant that I had to keep her up until midnight and then wake her up by 5 a.m. Since Josh and Emma were going to school late anyway due to the appointment, I let them stay up with her. Joshua made it until about 10 p.m., when I found him like this on the couch. Though we'd lost one hard fighting soldier, we pressed on. The girls were bright eyed and ready to go:Emma never should have curled up under that blanket. I warned her.When Hannah started to look as though she was looking for a comfy spot like her sister, I decided a nice bath was in order. Sure enough, it did the trick and she perked right back up:Rugby: "Mom, seriously - do you have any idea what time it is????"Jane: "So, have you seen Josh lately? I really miss Josh! And by the way, do you have any idea what time it is???"Pidge and Dobby: "What do you think is going on? What's she doing? Why aren't we covered up for bed? Should we fly away from that silver rectangle thing she's putting in our cage? Whoa - get a load of the clock! I wonder if she has any idea what time it is?"Turns out Emma was not sleeping after all - she was just "resting her eyes". She rallies for the final moments of the countdown to bed:For some reason, Hannah still doesn't look sleepy, but she is finding everything (such as brushing her teeth) a little more hilarious than normal. Sleepy Hannah = Crazy Hannah:Ahhhhh . . . we made it. Time to give in to those heavy eyelids:Surely these little eyelids will be getting heavy soon? Any minute now . . . Chili: "Well, I'm glad that's over. You usually put your puppies to bed at a reasonable hour, I just can't imagine what you were thinking keeping them up playing games all night. This never would have happened if Daddy had been here."

Rugby: "ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

And we all settled down for a very, very quick winter's nap.

Update . . . Oh My

2008-12-01T16:31:00.002-07:00

I just heard back from Eli's teacher, and she said that he has not been receiving speech services at school. She said that she doesn't understand it, and that we just might have a miracle on our hands here. We're going to get in contact with the school audiologist and start trying to figure out exactly what could be going on.

I'm officially flamboozled.

~ Jen

Mama, Watch This . . .

2008-12-01T11:29:00.005-07:00

Sometimes those three words precede a trip to the ER.

Sometimes they precede something truly wonderful.

Don't worry, this post describes the latter.

Remember when I posted about how far communicating with Eli has come in just a year?
It just kicked up another notch! I guess he must be receiving some sort of speech therapy at school, although I am a bit surprised they wouldn't have notified us of this change to his IEP. It was previously discussed that his level of hearing loss excluded him from this therapy, unless we specifically requested it. Since we were more than fine with him communicating exclusively via ASL, we did not request it. Anyway . . .

The other day I was making dinner, and Eli was seated at the table stalking my every move just like any normal mealtime. He waved at me to get my attention, and signed, "Mama, watch this!"

Me: "Okay."

Eli: "Watch, I'm going to talk."

Me: (internally dubious) " . . . O - Kay"

Eli: signs 'what' and then actually says the word what!

Me: speechless

He did it a few more times, and I was just as impressed each time. He was so thrilled with himself. That night as I was tucking the boys into bed, he asked if I could help him talk. So I sat on his bed and we worked for awhile. If I make a sound into his ear, he can hear and mimic that sound (yes, that's new and quite shocking on it's own).

He would give me a sign and I would try to teach him to say the word.

He said:

Car

Eli

No

Who

Bad

Every time an actual, clear word came out, I screamed and clapped and jumped up and down. Josh would shout, "Whoa!" and Eli would burst out laughing and roll around on his bed. We were quite the insane trio. At one point, he asked how to say "Go". Every time he tried to say it, it came out as this crazy sounding tongue roll, and the three of us were hysterical laughing. Then he signed, "I love you" and asked how to say it. I placed my mouth to his ear and said "Love", exaggerating the L and V sounds.

And he said it!

He said "Love", just as clear and concise and beautifully as you can imagine.

Logically I know that this was just another word to him, but to me it sounded like absolute magic. I never, ever expected to actually hear that word from his mouth.
Yes, I cried - okay, I cried alot!

I'm not sure what all of this means, but it would seem as though Eli's hearing loss may not be as profound as the tests have shown. I'm wondering if it's possible that the stress of the transition had an affect on the audio grams with and without the hearing aids. We'll have to revisit and evaluate all of these things, but right now I'm just so happy that he's come so far.

Now, if I could just get him to say "Mama", I think I really would burst!

~ Jen

Happy Birthday Eli!

2008-11-24T15:11:00.004-07:00

Today is my sweet boy's tenth birthday! It's hard to grasp that one of my little hawks has moved up to the double digits! Even though the kids are out of school for Thanksgiving this week, we still had a crack of dawn birthday celebration. This way, Rinnie could see Eli open his presents before she left for work, and Joel was still fairly conscious having just gotten home from work. Eli was so excited to open his presents! He got some great Lego sets, his first video game of his very own, some comfy pajamas (you'd be surprised at how big on comfy jammers my two boys are), and a Halo action figure. With no hope of any 'good' toys being opened, Emma and Hannah were pretty sleepy, but Josh was just as anxious as Eli to get a peek at the birthday loot:

Isn't this a cute picture of my Mom?

She looks like she's daydreaming about seeing her husband David on Thursday:

They boys have been lost in Lego mania all day long, only stopping for a quick lunch and some buttermilk pie. I really took this picture just to remember what my living room floor looks like without Legos scattered all over it. It will be some time before I see it again:

Hannah was quite sleepy and a bit underwhelmed, so here she's taking a breather from all the festivities to wake up a bit more:

Emma-isms

2008-11-21T07:26:00.006-07:00

Around our house, we call them Emma-isms.

Sometimes Emma-isms are hilarious because she meant them to be, and sometimes you have to leave the room in a rush to laugh in private. Emma is my passionate one. No matter what she is feeling, she is feeling it 110% and has the power to take you along for the ride. The blackest mood cannot withstand Emma's laugh, and the most steadfast of patient souls can't hold up for long under her fury. My point is that Emma's highs and lows generally produce some memorable moments, and yesterday after school we had another one.

I could see the storm clouds gathering before she even got in the car - something in her day had gone amiss, and I had better fix it quick before my entire evening ended up a casualty of war.

Me: "Hi Sweetie, how was your day?"
Emma: (furious scowl) "Not good."
Me: "Tell me about it, what happened?"
Emma: "I HATE MATH!"
Me: (secretly in agreement with her) "Oh No Em, you don't hate Math, you're so good at it!"
Emma: "I HATE MATH BECAUSE EVERY WEEK WE HAVE A TIMER TEST. ONE WEEK I GO FAST AND I MAKE ALOT OF MISTAKES AND THE TEACHER TELLS ME I HAVE TO BE MORE CAREFUL! THE NEXT WEEK I GO SLOW AND I GET RIGHT ANSWERS BUT THEN THE TEACHER TELLS ME I NEED TO GO FASTER AND GET MORE PROBLEMS DONE. THIS IS BECOMING A PATTERN!!! AND I HATE THIS PATTERN AND I KNOW IT'S JUST NEVER GONNA STOP!"

This was all yelled at me in a rush, I'm pretty sure she didn't breathe even once through it. I also think I chewed a good portion of my bottom lip off trying not to crack up when she said the part about the pattern.

My sage little Emma, it takes alot of wisdom to recognize when we've entered into an unhealthy pattern in our lives. She's already got the idea at the tender age of 7!

Once she had vented all of her rage over the injustice of Math Minutes, she was much better. The funny thing is, I totally remember being so frustrated at those timed tests - the panic that set in and wiped my brain completely clean of Math facts as soon as the timer began ticking.
Anyone else remember those things?

~ Jen

PS. For my sister - I chose this picture because I keep forgetting to mention the GAP hoodie to you when we talk. I so remember Camryn wearing it, and now Hannah is wearing it. I have to say - whatever you paid for that hoodie was a bargain! It's gotten through three active little girls' practically daily wear and still looks great! Long live the red GAP hoodie!!

Communication

2008-11-20T18:31:00.002-07:00

Sometimes I miss big things in the rush of daily life. I focus on everything that I feel has yet to be accomplished with Eli's transition into our family, and I seldom stop to look back and realize how far we've come in just one year. Then all of the sudden something happens, and I see another hurdle we've jumped while I wasn't looking.

For example, communication. When Eli first joined our family, communication was Eli signing something to us and abruptly walking away before we could respond. It was completely one sided - he'd get his point across and be done. Slowly, and with alot of work and a WHOLE lot of frustration, communication became signing "at" one another. There wasn't really any give and take, no actual conversation.

I am not sure when exactly this changed, but today I realized that we were having an actual conversation! I couldn't keep the silly grin off my face for at least an hour afterward! Eli came home from school with a drawing of his family. There was a picture of each person next to their name - Rinnie, Baba, Emma, Hannah, Joshua. My picture didn't have my name beside it, and I pointed this out to Eli while pretending to be very offended.

Me: "Where is my name? You didn't write Mama!"
Eli: (searching carefully for the name he'd forgotten to write) "No, it's here . . ."
Me:(laughing) "Poor Mama, no name for me!"
Eli: (laughs and hugs me) "Sorry, Mama!"

I know this isn't exactly a deep conversation, but it's an honest to goodness, two people sharing ideas and interacting with each other conversation! Eli has gained so much language and is signing so well, it seems unreal that one year ago he had none.

This isn't by any means the first conversation we've had, it's just the first one where I've stopped and thought, "Hey! Look at that!!", so I just had to share.

What an amazing little boy, don't you think?
I think his Mommy needs to pay more attention to how far we've come, and less time worrying over how far we've yet to journey.

~ Jen

Bad Hair, Important Life Lessons, and Another Race!

2008-11-12T10:21:00.004-07:00

I am so behind on my blogging, mainly because I haven't been taking very many pictures lately!

Here are the kids at the third race in the Fall Series. This coming Sunday, they will run the fourth and final race and we'll head out for our annual celebratory pizza party.
I have to add something pertaining to these races and how I'm learning more and more about the mysterious nature of boys. When we told Eli that the race was coming up, he was NOT excited. The last race was tough, and he just doesn't enjoy running the way that the other children do, which is fine! He said he didn't want to run the race because it was too hard. He said he only like running short distances, not long ones (like Gimli in Lord of the Rings, he is very dangerous over short distances). Joel explained that if he didn't run all four races in the series, he wouldn't receive a trophy like his brothers and sisters. Eli had been so excited about getting that trophy, but even this had no effect on him, so Joel and I told him he didn't have to run. That's when Josh teased that if he ran the race and Eli didn't, his muscles would be bigger. Eli wasn't having that! It's so funny to me that the boys have a great relationship, yet they are still so competitive with one another. I just don't get it - but Joel assures me it's a guy thing.

Now that you've had your picture fix, here's what we've been up to:

I got a terrible haircut. I know that this isn't technically an "event", but I mean it's a really bad one. I've never had a haircut that actually made me feel self conscious before, but this one does. I should revise and say that the haircut itself isn't terrible, it just looks terrible on ME. Since high school, I've always wondered if I could pull off short hair. The answer is, sadly, no. I will not be posting any pictures of myself for at least a year, but at least I learned something, right?
I had my very first blogtroversy. That's when people have words with each other via blogger. Wait, I have to revise again - technically I didn't have words with anyone, they had them with me. The whole thing was so odd, really! Like my terrible haircut, it wasn't a pleasant experience, but it was a learning experience.

In conclusion, I've learned two very important things this month:

I look awful with short hair. My advice - don't experiment with your hair just before the holidays. Wait until you can hide out if it goes badly.
Some people can get really ugly if they even suspect they are being disagreed with. My advice: When these people are talking you should just nod and smile. No matter what they are saying. If you are reading their blog and they can't actually see you nod and smile - skip the comment section and do it anyway just to get yourself into the habit. How do we know if we are dealing with one of these people? Best not to find out - just nod and smile.

On a more serious note (not that my hair problem isn't serious), Eli has been very "off" for the past few days. For the most part, we'd made alot of progress with some of his more negative adjustment behaviors like stealing, lying, and dissolving into fits of weeping when things didn't go his way. But last night he absolutely bawled because there were "short" noodles (penne pasta) in his spaghetti rather than "long" ones. This morning he bawled because he thought it was November 13th and I told him it was the 12th. Then out of the blue, he asked for his hearing aides, which we sent back in April because they weren't helping him and he hated wearing them. He literally hasn't even asked about them in seven months, but this morning he cried like the world had ended when I told him they were gone. I know something must be going on, but I have no idea what that might be.

In my reading before we adopted Eli, I came across something once where children abandoned at an older age sometimes begin to act out right around the anniversary of their abandonment. According to this theory, the changes in season and subsequent changes in weather can trigger the feelings of fear and grief they experienced. Eli was abandoned when he was six years old, on the 24th of November. It makes me wonder if the leaves falling and the chill in the air has possibly triggered those feelings in him, hence the return of the crying over every little thing? If this is the case, I'm not sure how to help him through it. Once again I find myself feeling as though I'm looking on helplessly while my son is hurting. I guess I all I can offer him is my love, and an extra big measure of grace - but I wish so badly that I could see what he sees, and feel what he feels.

I wish I could somehow take it all from him, but I know that only time can heal his wounds.

Not the most cheerful way to end my little update, but it did help me to type it all out - blogs are great that way!

Love,

Jen

Four Little Hawks Celebrate Halloween

2008-11-02T09:26:00.005-07:00

Normally, we carve pumpkins and Trick or Treat just like everyone else on Halloween. But this year we decided to do things a little differently.

You know that saying, "Necessity is the mother of invention"? I didn't actually invent anything, but necessity was the catalyst for a little more creativity on my part this year. With finances extra tight, I just couldn't see spending a small fortune on Halloween costumes the kids would wear for an hour, pumpkins we'd throw away the next day, and a ton of candy to hand out to our neighbors. I consulted my Little Hawks - what would they think of having our very own Halloween party at home? They loved the idea! So it happened that for about 1/3 of the money we would usually spend, we had about 10 times the fun we usually have!

First, we decorated treat bags. I bought the kids' favorites to fill their bags - no yucky 'throw away' candy this year!While the kids painted and colored their treat bags, I baked my sister's famous sugar cookies. Seriously, these are the best cookies! Then the kids iced and decorated some sugary masterpieces:

Josh doing some quality control:

The girls discussing possible decorating strategies for their next cookies:
With the baked goods all finished, we all went down into the basement to start our "party". We had pizza, sliced up caramel apples, and way too many sweets! The kids decided to watch one of the Harry Potter movies in keeping with our Halloween theme. Two of the four were passed out cold by 9:30, and the other two were pretty near joining them. All of them thought it was the best Halloween we'd ever had, and I completely agree. No rushing through homework and dinner and stuffing the kids quickly into their costumes and out the door with Joel for trick or treating. We had so much fun being together! I took alot of cute pictures of the kids having their pizza picnic, but they all turned out too blurry to post (grrrrr . . . )!

This last picture might seem strange, but I had to add it to this post. While I was clearing all the baking and decorating mess from my kitchen counters and table, I really stood and looked at the table. Now, I usually hate our table. It's falling apart, it doesn't look very nice, it's impossible to keep clean, and it's falling apart.

But standing there looking at the remnants of cookie crumbs, icing, sprinkles, and tempera paint, I had to stop and say a prayer of thanks. I was struck by all of the memories that are held by this table. Memories of four little pairs of hands drawing, praying, eating, and growing. Memories of four little voices raised in laughter. I was awestruck at how very full my cup is. All of the little worries I carry day to day seem so insignificant when compared with the bounty that surrounds my beautiful, dilapidated kitchen table.

Happy Halloween From Rugby and Chili!

2008-11-01T12:34:00.004-06:00

I have pictures of the kids to post later, but in the meantime I thought I'd fill you in on what our dogs did this Halloween:

Chili dressed up as a dog who is allowed to sit at the kitchen table. What a clever costume idea! Okay Chili, now GET DOWN!

Rugby dressed up as Pearson, my good friend Trina's baby. You can decide if you think he did a good job:

Now, while Rugby's costume was very convincing, I still don't think he looked nearly as cute as Pearson. Yes Pearson, you are still the cutest little puppy ever! Pearson, sweet love - don't go thinking Rugby is a copycat. Imitation is the purest form of flattery, you know.

Happy Halloween!

Praying for Carrie . . .

2008-10-28T18:39:00.004-06:00

I received a heartbreaking email this morning from a friend of my sweet friend Carrie.

Carrie and I both adopted around the same time, and because we both adopted older children we've traded emails, encouraged one another, and kept up with each other's lives through our blogs. The adoption community is a pretty tight knit one, and we quite often bond with each other across many miles. Even though I've never met her in person, we were able to bond through the life changes we were both experiencing, our faith - and just because she's an all around great lady.

Monday morning, Carrie's precious daughter MJ passed away as the result of a tragic accident. My heart is so heavy for Carrie and her family, and I ask that you all would pray for them during this terrible time. I can't find any words to express how deeply my heart hurts for them. I cannot begin to imagine the depth of their pain.

Sweet Carrie, please know that I am lifting you up to Our Father even as I type this.
MJ deeply touched so many lives, including mine. I'm so thankful that her life was transformed by experiencing the unfailing love of a phenomenal mother like you. I can't say or do anything that will lessen your pain, but please know that I will continue to petition The Healer on your behalf.

Much Love,
Jen

Tagged!

2008-10-20T18:54:00.005-06:00

I've been tagged by my blog friend Carrie and my IRL friend Trina! Carrie's blog is password protected so I can't link to it. Trina's blog is linked on my blog. My only problem is that I don't have seven other bloggie people that I "know" well enough to tag - how absolutely lame is that? Thanks guys, now I'm just depressed! :)

Okay, now for my 7 random facts . . .
Update: I had to change my list after talking to my sister, who knows me better than I know myself. I had such a hard time coming up with my list, but she was able to identify much better random things about me straight off the cuff, so I've edited the list accordingly. I've put an asterisk by the items I changed.

My favorite book is Jane Eyre. No, that isn't the weird part - the weird part is that I read it every year. There, now you know. I actually cringed with embarrassment typing that. My husband thinks reading the same book every year is seriously wacko. Am I really the only one who does that??

* Whenever I eat a meal, I always eat my least favorite item first and save my favorite for last.

My taste in music could be called schizophrenic. It ranges all the way from Bach to Kanye West, depending on my mood.

Guinea pigs give me hives.

I hate fish - eating it, I mean. I don't have anything against them existing.

Steel yourselves, my liberal friends: I love to target shoot handguns. I've taken a couple of classes and had an absolute blast.

* I'm incredibly clumsy. I often trip and fall or drop things for no apparent reason - I should wear a warning label, I'm serious.

So, I tag my sister:

http://tochinaforkelly.blogspot.com/

Kimberly:

http://360.yahoo.com/profile-FwEwmFYwf6noz8jv5qrQq6mouDs-?cq=1

and Kathi:

http://krusekids.blogspot.com/

~ Jen

Second Race In The Fall Series . . .

2008-10-20T13:50:00.005-06:00

Sunday was the second race in the annual Pikes Peak Road Runners Fall Series. The kids really look forward to this every year. This race was held at Bear Creek Park. It was an absolutely perfect fall day, with the leaves on the trees at the peak of their fall glory. Here are the kids, all warmed up and ready to run:I love how Hannah runs with her arms straight down at her sides. She's been shown the "right" way, but she much prefers "her" way. She just looks so cute with her very serious running face on - my sweet little robot girl.Emma's runs freestyle - the way Emma does everything. She has the best time running and always gives it her all. Well, to be completely honest about that last statement - last year we did have some trouble with her running off the trail when she saw a particularly pretty flower or butterfly! Eli really enjoys running, too! His only issue is pacing himself, as you'll see in the subsequent photos. He is so determined to beat his brother that he takes off like a shot and runs full out for as long as he can, no matter how many times we try to explain to him that he should slow down a bit and reserve his energy for a strong finish. When you've got a mile to race, and some pretty significant hills to get up in the process, sprinting isn't your best bet. "Yeah, I'm totally ahead of Josh! I think I've really got him this time!""Aw, Geez, are they kidding me with these hills?!

"I . . . must . . . push . . . through . . . the . . . pain!""Yeah, I'm gonna just walk real casual like something very profound just occured to me."Here comes slow and steady Josh - just a slight bit smug over leaving his brother in the dust. After the races, my Mom and I headed out for some girl time

and the kids had some 'in the trees time' with Joel:

I am slightly sorry to have missed "In The Trees" time, it sure looks like it was fun. But I did really enjoy having time alone with my Mom, and let's be honest - my kids being up in trees usually results in me having some intense "Bite My Lips Until They Bleed" time. So really it's better that Joel had that shift, right?

Our China Trip Remembered . . .

2008-10-15T17:22:00.004-06:00

Just in case you ever wondered what we look like after 18 hours on a plane. Yikes.
The view from our hotel room window in Nanjing. Not bad, eh? This was my third trip to China, and my first trip where our hotel window didn't look out on a brick wall. Third time really is a charm.
We waited for about twenty minutes before Eli got to the Civil Affairs office. Ugh, it felt like forever! He traveled from Xuzhou, which is several hours away, by train that morning.
Poor sweet thing, he was so nervous! Within about ten minutes, he started playing cars with me and we even had the ghost of a giggle and some smiles.
The following day, we went back to Civil Affairs to "seal the deal". China requires that you have a temporary custody period of 24 hours before finalizing the adoption. It was amazing to see how relieved he was after the paperwork was done and we left Civil Affairs for the last time. He skipped, laughed, and hugged us both.
And then he rode a giant stone donkey. Just kidding! Eli wasn't as excited about all of the sight seeing that we did in the subsequent days we were in Nanjing. He much preferred eating and playing with toys back at the hotel!

One Year Ago . . .

2008-10-15T16:44:00.004-06:00

One year ago today, Eli and I met for the second time - but this time I knew I'd never have to walk away from him again.

The first time I met the little boy who was meant to be my son, I was with my friend Kimberly on her adoption trip. We visited the orphanage where her new son had spent the majority of his 13 years, and that's where I first saw Eli. We walked through the freezing cold rooms, handing out candy to the children there. They were all clamoring loudly for our attention - all but one. He sat still, hands folded in front of him, searching my face with his beautiful dark eyes. Something about the way he looked at me made it impossible for me to move away from him. We just stared at one another, until suddenly he smiled at me. It was the most beautiful smile - full of sweetness and sunshine.

At that moment, though I did not know it yet in my conscious mind, he and I belonged to one another. I couldn't explain why when we left the orphanage, I felt as though a piece of my heart was being torn out and left behind.

The series of events that brought him into our family forever were nearly a year in the making, but this video shows those first few moments when the impossible became possible, and a new life began for one little boy and one very blessed Mommy.

When they brought Eli in to us, I realized how utterly helpless I was to do anything to comfort him. He was scared to death and had no sign language, and I couldn't soothe him with a soft voice or sign to him that it was all going to be okay. He sat across from me and just stared. Just as he did the first time we met, he searched my face. Except this time, it was with uncertainty and fear in his eyes rather than an innocent curiosity. I could only meet his gaze while trying to convey my love and his utter safety with me in my smile. Now watching the video, I think I look a little creepy! I think we both look pretty scared, too. In the end, we just had to learn to trust each other - something only time can accomplish.

Happy Gotcha Day Anniversary, my Eli.

May we continue to grow in love and trust. I pray to be worthy of the trust you've given me, and that one day we may look back upon each of our hard won victories and our many disappointing defeats hand in hand. I pray that one day, you will truly know how very much I love you. I hope you will remember how I came back for you, and I hope you will trust that no matter what, I will never let you go.

Love,

Your Mama

Joshua's Birthday Evening

2008-10-15T09:46:00.004-06:00

Here we are after school, feeling quite a bit perkier than we were at the Pre-Sunrise Birthday Celebration! The boys had a great time building Legos together when Eli got home. I am so proud of Josh for being so willing to share his new sets and building with his brother.
I was worried that Eli might have a tough time with jealousy, since this is the first time he's been home for Joshua's birthday. Eli woke up in the morning and the first thing he did as he jumped out of bed was sign "Happy Birthday!" over and over again. It was so sweet to see him delighted for his brother.
Each child gets to pick the entire day's menu and cake flavor on their birthday. For Josh's dinner, he chose roasted chicken, baked potatoes, and salad with avocado. Instead of a cake, he wanted a chocolate pie. The other children were aghast! No birthday cake??? To appease the masses, I made cupcakes as well. We ended up in a sugar frenzy, since each child felt obligated to sample both. The traditional "licking of the candle" ceremony . . . good thing we had alot of candles.

Happy Birthday Joshua, I hope that your 9th year is filled with as much joy and wonder as you bring into my life every single day!

Love,

Your Blessed Mama

Happy Birthday Joshua!

2008-10-14T13:00:00.003-06:00

I can't believe that my first baby turned 9 today! Happy Birthday my love!
I gave Joshua the option of having his celebration before or after school. Guess which one he chose? He said that school would drag by much too slowly if he didn't open his presents in the morning! We had his favorite cinnamon rolls and bacon for breakfast and then opened presents, all before Eli's bus arrived at 7 a.m. I think everyone looks a little bleary eyed in these pictures but we had a great birthday morning all the same!
MomMom and PopPop gave Joshua birthday money, but the best gift of all is that MomMom came all the way from Maryland to spend his birthday with him. This is the first birthday she has spent with us and Josh is so glad she was here to celebrate.
Legos, Legos, and more Legos. Between the two boys, we should have a guest house comprised entirely of Legos by next Christmas. I'm really looking forward to that - I hope it's well insulated and tastefully decorated.
Hannah is thinking, "Poor Josh, he just got a bunch of Legos for his birthday. Mom and Dad must not really like him very much. Not a single stuffed puppy or Polly Pocket in sight! I sure hope he doesn't cry."

Actually, he did. In fact, every one of the Four Little Hawks cried at some point this morning. They just didn't feel it was right that birthdays and school should occur on the same day. Once 'celebration' mode kicked in, 'get ready for school' mode felt cruel and unusual. The birthday boy got to come home early, which compensated him somewhat for the three hour separation from the new Lego sets crying out to be built.

Now THAT'S Better . . .

2008-10-02T17:26:00.004-06:00

My melancholy has evaporated!

You might wonder how this could be, when just a few hours ago I was so very melancholy.

Well, I'll tell you. I went to get the kids from school, and was sitting at an intersection while a crossing guard walked some children across the street. I was lost in thought, and not paying attention to the fact that my radio was even on. All of the sudden, the crossing guard really started to get down. At the same moment, I noticed Kanye West blaring through my speakers and out my open window. The kids all laughed watching their crossing guard dance, the crossing guard laughed at the Mom in the minivan blaring Kanye, and I laughed pretty much the rest of the way to school. Isn't it funny how something so silly can completely lift your mood?

~ Thanks Kanye, There Really Is Only One of You ~
~ Thanks Crossing Guard - You Are One Sassy Slave To Rhythm ~

Seasons . . .

2008-10-02T13:25:00.002-06:00

Maybe it's the cloudy weather today, but I'm feeling a bit melancholy.

Our family has entered a new season, with all four children in school and each with their own activities. Life has changed. I know this is all normal, and every family experiences it as their children grow, but I'm struggling to find my groove in the midst of it.

The biggest issue is that we have something going on every night of the week. ASL classes, an ASL reading tutor, swimming two nights a week, ballet, then church. I'm still trying to get it all to run smoothly alongside dinner, baths, and homework. I think what makes me feel melancholy is that I feel like I'm never just spending time with any of the children. It feels as though I'm either speeding around getting us ready to go somewhere - or when we are at home, I'm trying to catch up with things around the house. I can't seem to find a rhythm to it all, or a sense of accomplishment in any of it. I feel as though I'm just running to keep up, but I don't feel I'm doing a very good job of it.

I know that the secret is to be more purposeful about the time we do have together as a family. For some reason, I'm just having a tough time finding the balance I need to do that. I feel quick tempered and exasperated far too often, no matter how much I try to stay calm and take things in stride.

I know there is nothing unique about my experience, but I just thought I would share what I'm feeling in this new season of life. This post isn't very cheerful, but it's where I really am right at this moment. If anyone reading this has any tips or words of wisdom from their own experience, I'd love to hear them!

~ Jen

2008-09-29T12:36:00.004-06:00

A friend of mine just emailed this to me, and it was so apropos of things I sometimes struggle with as a Mom, I thought I should post it to my blog.

Another reason I felt compelled to post this is the line from a movie my Mom and I watched this weekend. I won't name the actual movie, but it's based on a very popular HBO series about four single women who live in a certain city. At one point, one of the characters struggles to balance her job with her responsibilities as a parent. She made a comment about school holiday functions being invented by women without full time jobs who have nothing better to do with their time.
Ugh.
Here we go again - the cliche, many times kept alive by fellow women: women who stay at home to raise their children are somehow "less than" the Working Mother. Those of us at home with our children can all attest to the fact that our jobs are quite a bit more than "full time". We don't work 9 - 5, and we certainly don't get vacation days, sick days, or even weekends. So when I opened my email box this morning to find this, I thought it was important to give a shout out to my fellow Career Moms - because after all, I am working in my career field of choice, and I know you are, too!

Invisible Mother......
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.
Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible.
The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'
I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated sum a cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going; she's going; she is gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . >> Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:

'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book.
And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.' I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.' At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.' As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great Job, MOM!

The New Adventures of Aquaman and Other Bits of News

2008-09-24T14:31:00.005-06:00

Has it really been a week since I last posted? Things have been pretty busy, and I have a feeling I'm just getting a small taste of what life will be like as the kids get older!

First things first, my Mom arrived on Saturday! She and her husband, David, are moving to Colorado Springs and we are THRILLED! David stayed behind in Missouri where he is trying to sell his business and get everything there settled for the move. My Mom came ahead to look for a job and eventually find a place for them to live. It's so wonderful having her here, I can't even begin to explain. And the great news is that it looks like she may have already found a fantastic job! I am blessed with a Mom who is also one of my best friends, so getting to see her every day is wonderful. But the comfort of having a family member in the same town is more than I can say. In fact, I have already been able to reap the benefits when the kids' school called my cell phone right as I was walking into a doctor appointment. Emma was sick, and needed to be picked up. Now, under normal circumstances my only option would have been turning around and walking out before my appointment - which took me a month to get in the first place. Instead, I was able to call my mom and she rushed to the rescue!

Joshua has always loved to swim, but the opportunity to swim every day at my sister's house this summer revealed that he actually has a real knack for it. He expressed a desire to join a swim team, and started lessons last week. For the swim team he is trying to join, you must first pass six levels of skill courses before you make the team. The first night they tested the kids starting at Level One. Josh was able to test through to Level 3, and last night he tested out on to Level Four - after only two classes! He was so excited that he called me on the way home from class to tell me. I'm very happy that he's found something he loves to do, and that he also happens to be good at it. For me, the first part of that is definitely most important! This morning on the way to school, Joshua realized he'd forgotten one of his papers for his "extra math class".

"Your extra what?"

Josh explained that a few weeks ago, he took a test along with two of his classmates. The three of them were moved to an "extra" Math class. He said he wasn't sure exactly why, or what kind of class it was. I was stumped, since I'd heard nothing at all from his teacher about this. I wondered if he was having trouble in Math - it's always been one of his strengths and he does fine with his homework, so I couldn't imagine that being the case. As I pressed for more details, he remembered this one:

"Well, in my extra class there is a sign on the door that says "TAG - Talented and Gifted".

Oh.

Well, that's good to know! I sort of think that would have been a great thing to send a note home about, right? At any rate, I'm very proud of him - I'm just a little alarmed - how could Joel and I have anything genetically in common with someone who is good at Math?? I don't get it . . . some recessive gene, do you think?

The worst part was when Emma complained that none of her classroom doors proclaimed her to be Talented OR Gifted. I'm thinking of putting a sign on her bedroom door to that effect. Maybe I'll put one on my bathroom mirror, too.

Anyone else need one while I'm printing them out?

Tonight we are starting ASL Classes at Eli's school. I'm excited about this because I've been feeling a nagging anxiety about my signing as Eli gets closer and closer to catching up with me. My goal has always been to stay a few steps ahead of his vocabulary until the point in time when we are both fluent. They have different classes according to skill level, and they do classes for the kids as well.

I'm going to post some pictures of Josh at his swim classes, and his own personal, one girl cheer section. I'm also posting some pictures that I took for my sister of our reclaimed basement. We had a renter for a couple of years, and when she moved out we were so excited to have our space back.

So Sissy, I know it's taken me forever, but here is the boys' new room. And, because I'm a dork, there's one of my new treadmill too. Yay treadmill!

Love To All,

Jen

Happy Birthday PopPop!

2008-09-17T19:26:00.012-06:00

Dear Dad,

Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!

Thank you so very much for all of the love you show us! We love you so very much and hope you had a wonderful day! I wanted to talk to you before you left for work this morning, but I called too late I guess. I am so blessed to have you for a Dad, thank you for my sense of humor and my love of animals. Joel says thanks for my sense of humor, not so much the animal thing. Most of all, I'm so glad that my children have such a loving Grandpa to share their lives with, you truly make their lives richer. And I'm not just talking about your exorbitant monetary gifts on birthdays and Christmas.

Happy Birthday!

Love,

Jen

Why We Need Anger Management . . .

2008-09-17T14:30:00.004-06:00

I just found this video made a few months ago, and have decided to enroll our entire family in anger management therapy. I had asked Eli what he looks like when he feels "mad". His response was so hilarious that I had to get the camera and ask him to do it again. As you'll see in the video, Emma followed up with an impression of what Mommy and Daddy look like when they're mad. I guess I must look pretty scary, but clearly that's nothing compared to my husband, the Incredible Hulk. As you can see, our children quake with fear at the very thought.

Reruns . . .

2008-09-15T18:36:00.005-06:00

Well, I wasn't lucky enough to escape all of the bugs going around in our house - I caught the stomach variety - ugh.
In lieu of recent, new, and exciting pictures (I don't have any), here are some that I've never posted that are favorites of mine!

I love this picture of Hannah! I think the way her hands are curled around mine is so sweet - whenever I see this picture I can actually feel her little warm hands in mine, I don't know if that sounds weird, but that's how this picture makes me feel.

This is one of my favorite pictures of Emma, oh that SWEET little face of hers just melts me!This picture is the first time Joel ever saw Eli. I'd already fallen for this little man when I met him in China. I think that this picture is when Eli grabbed hold of Joel's heart, too. I wonder if he had any idea why they were taking his picture that day? He couldn't have had any inkling that it would be the catalyst that finally got us moving in the direction that we knew in our hearts we were supposed to go? I love this picture of Josh reading, so absorbed in his book that he didn't even notice me "Sneaking on Him" - that's Josh talk.

Week At A Glance . . .

2008-09-07T09:46:00.002-06:00

No pictures this week - it really flew by in a blur of sick husbands, sick kids, and endless errands. You guys don't want to see pictures of that - especially the husband, trust me.
(Sorry Honey - search your heart, you know it's true.)

But for those of you who care enough about our daily grind to be curious, here is our week at a glance:

Joel has been very, very sick. But naturally not sick enough to miss work! It's very hard to nurture someone who refuses to sit still. Enough said.
Emma received her first love letter - well, her first one in the first grade. This little man has serious potential. He's no cookie-dough-type, run of the mill, 'I made you a paper heart' suitor. He remembered that Emma loves ocean life, and drew her a fantastic "Under The Sea-scape". This guy has got style and finesse - hope she doesn't let him get away. At the top of the page, he declared his feelings for her. I'm saving that one, to show their children someday.
My Mom is moving back to Colorado Springs!! She will be here at the end of this month, and we are all so excited we can't stand it! ~~Yay Rinnie~~ !!!!!
Sadly, Hannah had her first fever this weekend - at least her first one in the three years we've known her. She kept saying "Mama, I feel so bad inside my head". She was so pitiful, but she is feeling better today and the fever has broken.
So far, the only ones who have not caught the bug are Emma and myself - let's pray that holds true!

~ Jen

Just Add Love . . .

2008-09-07T09:35:00.003-06:00

I know most of you follow my sister's blog, too, so these pictures will be redundant for you. But I just had to post them, because your blog is supposed to be about what's on your mind and today my mind is on my niece, Kelly. It has been so neat for me to watch the miracle of adoption unfold from the "outside". When Hannah came home, people were always remarking to me how drastically her face had changed in such a short period of time. I saw her every day, so I couldn't see what they meant. But now, seeing pictures of Kelly the past few months, I understand. As she has relaxed, and began to let down her defenses and truly bond, this baby girl has positively bloomed!

Of course, I have a theory that Kelly's changes are more pronounced because she's been showered in the perfect and amazing love of my sister - who wouldn't be glowing?

Seriously though, I think that the changes in Kelly are such a testament to what can happen when someone is brave enough to take that huge leap of faith, reach out and love a child.

~ Jen

Dear Sissy . . .

2008-08-29T12:53:00.003-06:00

I was just looking through old picture archives, and I found "Our Thanksgiving"! Look at your long hair!

Remember how that afternoon we got the sudden and undeniable urge to make my hair all "flippy" and we laughed so hard at the result? Hmmmm . . . maybe hairstyling and wine really aren't the best combination. But just check out the pictures, my hair has got some BODY.

I can't stop smiling remembering how much fun we had that day - and check out our awesome pies! We can seriously bake, sistah! And style hair!

Face it, we're awesome.

It was my all time favorite Thanksgiving.

I love you so much!

Love,

Jen

Murder At The Hawk's Nest

2008-08-24T12:28:00.004-06:00

Lest you think Joel, Joshua, and Emma had all the adventure to themselves this weekend - I'll tell you what was happening back at The Nest. Saturday afternoon, I was changing the boys' sheets when some movement in the window well caught my eye. I looked over to see two little brown mice that had obviously fallen down there and couldn't get back out. One of them ran to and fro, trying to find a way up the aluminum sides of the well, and the other crouched in the corner. Maybe he was hurt, or perhaps just pessimistic. I think he was a clairvoyant.

I called Hannah and Eli away from their lunch, and we spent some time watching them. Eli suggested we open the window and pet them. He kept signing that they were "cute" and "stuck" that we needed to help them. Yes, he was right on all three counts. But his mother is creeped out by mice. I know, I'm weak.

I assured him that when Daddy came home, we would work together and get the mice out. I may be creeped out by them, but I'm not about to let them starve in the window well. We observed them several times during the day, and I have to admit they were so much cuter than your average field mice. When Joel returned from the mountains, I let him get settled and rest a bit before introducing him to our little friends. Once he was ready for a shower, I told him there was something we needed to take care of first, and skipped into the boys' room to show him.

I stopped dead in my tracks, because there was a new lodger inside Hotel Window Well. There was a snake there, with one of my little friends halfway down his gullet!! I'm not ashamed to say that I burst into tears, and cried a good hard cry. Then I remembered that the murder victim wasn't the only little guy in there with our reptilian Hannibal Lecter, and I jumped up to see where he'd gotten to. There he was, clinging to the top of the window screen for dear life. I burst into tears again, while my husband stood there wondering whether he should comfort me or have me committed.

"Joel, please, please, please, you have to get him out of there now!"

You see, the original plan of my helping him get the mice out was gone now, because the only things that creep me out worse than mice are snakes.

Well, bless him! Despite his incredibly long day, he put on his knight in shining armor suit, grabbed an empty trash can, and rescued our little survivor. The kids and I cheered and hugged each other, it was quite a scene. And that leaves us with only one problem - Hannibal.

Everyone had a different idea of what should be done about Hannibal.

Eli and I sentenced him to the death penalty - decapitation via garden shovel. You see, we hadn't forgotten our departed friend, and his furry cuteness burned a firey vengeance in our hearts as we observed his cute little twitching feet dangling from Hannibal's mouth.

Josh and Hannah thought the whole grisly thing was extremely cool, and wondered whether we could just keep Hannibal as a pet.

Through her tears of grief over his victim, Emma begged mercy for Hannibal. She reasoned that after all, he's just a snake. And I quote, "That's just how snakes are, they have to eat too."

Emma won, mostly because she was right.

As I type this, Hannibal has been rescued from the window well by my very own hero, and is on his way to freedom in a nearby field. The kids have all gone to watch and bid him a fond farewell. Happy trails Hannibal, I hope we never meet again.

Here he is, in our window well. He's sort of hard to see, he's against the aliminum. If you look closely, you can see a big lump in his middle, where my sweet little cute friend is now being slowly digested:

Joel just came home from his rescue and release mission. He said that as Hannibal slithered away, Eli told him that the snake had said: "Thanks, Goodbye!"

Mountain Dog???

2008-08-24T12:23:00.002-06:00

I thought this picture deserved a separate post.

Quandry Peak - Fun at 14,265 Ft.!

2008-08-24T11:09:00.009-06:00

Emma's goal this summer was to get to the summit of her first 14er. Joel took Joshua and Emma on Friday night, they had a fun night swimming in a hotel and set out super early Saturday morning to climb Mt. Quandry. Can I take a "Mommy Moment" here? I think that all my fellow Mommies will understand me. When I was drifting off to sleep on Friday night, I was thinking of all the wonderful pictures that Joel would bring home from their trip. I bolted fully awake and cringed when I thought of the way Emma's hair would probably look in them.
I wasn't wrong.
We've actually had friends (guy friends, no less) who have run into Joel out in public with the kids make comments about the . . . um . . . unusually disheveled state of my children.
Joel! Use the hairbrush Joel!
This was the message I tried to send, but alas, that only works for Obi-Wan Kenobi. Okay, Mommy moment over, thank you for indulging me.

Here they are, all puffy faced and sleepy, getting ready to start their hike: I have to interupt the flow of pictures for a story here, and all of my dog loving friends will understand. Sorry Trina, you can skip this part. Anyway, in the picture below I want you to meet Butterscotch. Did you ever see such a sweet, loyal face? Here she is, watching over her master while he catches a nap - on a cliff. I can't imagine anything less restful. I wonder if Butterscotch thinks that's as weird as I do? Nah, she looks like she thinks everything he does is just about right. Her owner is from Texas, and he told Joel he rescued her as a stray. And my favorite story of the day. Once on the summit, a fellow hiker asked Joel if he'd seen the mountain goats over on the south side of the summit. In order to get a glimpse, they had to traverse a ridge with drop offs on either side. He helped Josh across, and reached his hand out to Emma. Her response - no way, man. That's my girl. Joel worked all of his charm on her, to no avail. Suddenly, she saw a white speck a few feet away - and knew he had her. As soon as he pointed out these guys you'll see below, Emma was eager to cross the ridge. You can lure some kids with candy, some with toys. Emma can be lured with wildlife. It's like I've been cloned.

I think she would have sat and watched these mountain goats all day if she could.

See her face bursting with delight?!

Here they are at the very top!

Someone ran out of steam!

My little Mountain Man on his second 14er!

Time to head back down. The hike took a total of nine hours! The kids were so worn out, Joel said the trip down was pretty tough. But once they hit the car they were so jubliant that they made it! I'm so proud of you guys! You are amazing!!

Pictures First Day of School

2008-08-23T17:28:00.003-06:00

Last Day of Summer Vacation

2008-08-13T18:30:00.004-06:00

Tomorrow is the first day of school! I can't believe how quickly this summer has flown by!

Hannah, Joshua, and Emma start a new school called Chinook Trail Elementary. We chose this school in part because they teach Mandarin as a foreign language. I'm so excited about the school and their teachers. But perhaps the best part is that Hannah has several little girls in her class who were also adopted from China. I saw so many adoptive families at orientation, I think many of them were drawn there for the same reasons we were. This is so wonderful for Hannah, as she won't have to feel that she is set apart, or different from all of her peers. She was so cute when her new teacher asked her whether she was excited to start kindergarten. Hannah replied,

"Oh Man, I'm so excited I can't even think about anything else"!!

I love it, it's so classic Hannah.

I'm feeling pretty sad today, as this will be the first time in 9 years that I've not had a little hawk at home with me. I'm excited that Hannah is starting this new chapter in her life, but for me it's bittersweet. Her world is filling up, and that's a good thing. I know it will be good for me too. I'll have time to exercise, and clean, and do the grocery shopping - and I do plan on sneaking some time for myself too (Trina - we may actually speak in person one of these days, lol!) Oh, Eli doesn't go back until August 18th, so I'm sure he's going to be dejected with me tomorrow without his siblings to play with.

I'll post pictures of the big day tomorrow, and I'll leave you with these shots Daddy took on their "Adieu, Summer!" hike today! Josh and Eli are taking the funkiest pictures lately, it's driving me crazy! I don't know what is up with their frozen dead-behind-the-eyes picture faces! I promise, if they looked that way all the time, I'd seek professional help for them.

Love,

Jen

Mama Hawk Down

2008-08-08T10:57:00.002-06:00

Ugh!

There is never a good time for something like this to happen, but why did it have to happen NOW??

Tuesday morning I tripped and went tumbling down the basement stairs. It hurt enough that I felt a trip to the ER was warranted. Thank goodness, I didn't break anything, but I did sprain my left knee, injured a tendon in my right foot and sprained my big toe on the right foot. As you can imagine, I've been laid up for the past few days, much to my aggravation. Why couldn't it have all been on the same leg?? This way, I could have just dragged that leg behind me and used the other for walking.

If this had happened just a few weeks ago, I might have been able to talk myself into enjoying my opportunity to drift on some pain meds and sit perfectly still for a few days. But school is fast approaching for my little hawks and there are alot of things that need to get done. I also hate having to ask Joel to take time off work to help me. And I've discovered that I hate daytime TV. I've watched more TV in the past two days then I have in about three years combined. Can you tell I'm feeling like a very frustrated, whiny little baby?

I'm hoping this will be my last day of having to be off my feet. This morning I'm able to put a slight amount of weight on my knee, and if I only walk on the heel of my right foot, it seems to work. Does anyone have experience with sprains of this nature? Some encouraging words about how rapidly you healed would be fantastic, lol!

Love,
A Very Disgruntled Jen

Gotcha Day Anniversary . . . Looking Back

2008-08-03T17:18:00.010-06:00

This is the very first photo I ever saw of Hannah. It makes me giggle each time I see it, remembering how gorgeous I thought it was. I remember calling my Dad and waiting for him to check his email after getting her referral. When he got it, I breathlessly cried, "Dad, isn't she gorgeous?!!" He paused and very tactfully replied . . . "Well honey, I'm sure she will be".

LOL! I was so offended I couldn't even formulate a response. Poor Hannah! Mommy won't ever tell you that story. And neither will PopPop, if he knows what's good for him. But Dad, I can always count on you for an honest response, whether I like it or not, and I'm thankful for that, I really am! A few weeks later, we received some updated pictures of her. Her sad little eyes broke my heart, and I couldn't wait to see what a smile looked like on that sweet mouth!
This is Hannah at the orphanage, with her best friend, Maya. Maya now lives in Missouri with her precious forever family. After all these years, these photos still break my heart. Both girls seem to have this searching, plaintive look in those deep eyes of theirs. How fortunate am I, to have seen those same eyes begin to sparkle, and crinkle up in joyful laughter?
A road sign marking the exit to Liangping, where Hannah's orphanage was.
Sandy and I took a four day guided tour of Beijing before travelling to Chongqing to receive Hannah. I have some really fun memories of that trip, especially since it was my first experience in a foreign country! Here we are on the Great Wall, wasn't my hair China-licious? Jen, my China hair has your China hair beat, admit defeat! Here we are, on the bus to Civil Affairs to get our babies! You can tell who the expectant parents are (Frank and Jennie Nation, and myself) because we have the full facial borderline hysterical smiles. Sandy is in the back, and the three Nation teenagers make up the rest of the group. All of my Gotcha Day photos are courtesy of the pretty brunette by the window, Autumn Nation!
This is my absolute favorite Gotcha Day picture, mainly because of the story behind it. Remember that panic that I pushed aside in the hotel room earlier? Well, when they handed Hannah to me, and she began to scream in absolute terror, not to mention kicking, scratching, and biting me, it came back full force. The coffee and melon I choked down for breakfast collided in my stomach in a most unholy way. As I walked my screaming, violent daughter up and down the room, I said one prayer over and over again - "Please God, just don't let me throw up". Because, I really, really was going to. I felt like that would make a terrible impression on the Chinese officials as to my mothering abilities. Right around this time, Frank Nation walked discreetly into the path I'd been wearing in the tile floor. He winked at me and mouthed the words "It's okay. It's going to be okay." I don't think, to this day, he knows what a profound effect that simple encouragement had on me. It brought on a wave of relief and settled my outraged stomach right then and there. I immediately believed him, and knew that it really was going to be okay, and I was able to pour myself completely into comforting my daughter. A few minutes later, Autumn snapped this shot: This is a Chinese notary official and I, trying to get Hannah to consent to the adoption. She had to put her little finger in red ink, and press it onto the signature line on the form. She refused, and I don't really blame her. Who wants to rush into a commitment like that without thinking it over? The official was annoyed and told me that Hannah was "stubborn". Oh Yeah??

Well, she forgot "loud". Our first outing together - the Chongqing Zoo. I can't tell you how fussed I got by Chinese people over carrying Hannah in my sling. Everywhere we went, people fussed me because she was "too old" to be carried in this way. I even had one guy try to help me out by attempting to yank her out of it. Hannah and I freaked out. Thanks for the future therapy costs, random Chinese guy. Anyway, Hannah loved her sling. Each morning when I'd begin to put it on, she'd run over and dance around me, ready to be lifted in. It was a life saver at restaurant buffets, since it enabled me to fix and carry both of our plates.

Our traditional Red Couch Photo. We have several, but this is my favorite. I know Hannah looks pitiful, as she did every time I walked more than a few inches away from her. What cracks me up is little Abby Nation in the middle. This photo pretty much sums up her personality, which is huge. I love how the other baby is looking at her, as if she's pretty sure that Abby had a three martini lunch. But Abby doesn't care. She's wondering how come the other girls don't think the red couch is as hi-lar-i-ous as she does!
And to close off the post, this is my all time favorite picture of my Hannah. It captures perfectly the beautiful sweetness mixed with mischief that is Hannah Elise Liang Yi Hawkins!

Happy Hannah-versary!!

2008-08-02T14:28:00.007-06:00

August 3, 2005

Three years have passed since this day, and yet just thinking about it, all of the feelings come rushing back as vividly as though it were here again. I remember being shocked at how soundly I'd slept the night before, and being even more shocked at how calm and serene I felt throughout the morning. The only sign that this day was "The Day" was the way I couldn't quite get my breakfast down. For so many months, in every quiet moment, I'd pictured myself on this day. I wondered how I would feel, actually seeing her for the first time. I'd studied her pictures relentlessly, even kissed them goodnight, and I loved her fiercely. But as the morning wore on into the afternoon when we would leave for Civil Affairs and receive our children, fear began winding it's cold fingers around my heart. What was I doing here, in this foreign place, ready to claim this tiny stranger as my own - my life never to be the same again?! Who did I think I was? I had two small children at home, one of them having his first day of school without his Mommy there to walk him into his classroom. And I was in China, scared to death, stepping into completely unknown territory. Suddenly I wished myself home, where I felt secure and confident in my abilities to handle what each day would bring.

Well, the bottom line was - I had to find a way to push through this sudden panic. I didn't have time for these fears, and they weren't going to hold any sway. I was here, and she was mine, and it was time to meet our guide in the hotel lobby and head off to get her!

And my life has never been the same.

It's been harder, because I've been forced to dig deeper into myself than I ever imagined I could for the strength and wisdom to get through some days.

It's been more satisfying, because I know that the changes she has brought into my life have made me a better person.

It's been more emotional, because every victory is monumental, and every failure is heartbreaking.

It's been absolutely breathtaking.

Hannah has grown my heart, she has grown my spirit, and she has taught me how to love without any sense of self. It's hard to look at her now, and remember the tiny, helpless, terrified little mite that she was on this day, three years ago.

I love you, my sweet little one. Thank you for all you have brought into my life, and everything you continue to bring. I pray that as the years go on, I will be as great a blessing to you, as you are to me.

I'm so glad that I am yours, and you are mine.

Love,

Your Mama

Yay Daddy!

2008-07-26T11:16:00.005-06:00

Congratulations Joel, on a great 10K today!

HARK! I think I see him!

ME TOO! ME THREE, and, my "hark, I see him" pose is seriously awesome - check it out! We are so proud of you, Daddy!Now, let's go home and take a nap! 4:30 a.m. is way too early for little hawks to be out of bed!

That last caption, by the way, is what I wish my sweet little hawks would have said after the race. Joel is napping, and Emma is napping, and Mama would dearly love to be napping. But Eli, Josh, and Hannah seemed to have forgotten they woke up at 4:30, and are full of energy!

2008-07-26T10:46:00.004-06:00

Today the kids and I dropped Joel off at the starting line of a 10K race, drove to the park where the finish line was and waited to cheer him across! Joel's pretty fast, so we didn't have to wait long, but here are some highlights of how we passed the time.The girls decided it would be fun to collect leaves from the ground, and this kept them occupied for the better part of our wait:
Eli got in on the action, but in typical Eli fashion, he wasn't content to simply collect leaves:

No, he had to build something out of them. By the time Joel finished the race, he had turned the structure you see below into a two bedroom, 1.5 bath townhouse with running water: In between foraging for attractive leaves, I was able to get some sweet photos. Okay, I made them stop looking for leaves for a few minutes so I could take the following pictures, but I think it sounded better the other way:

Josh hit the picture wall fairly early, I think he's going into a phase where it's going to be a challenge to photograph him!
Now, this next photo is our solemn secret, got it? Josh would kill me if he knew I'd taken it, much less posted it. I just love the face he makes when he stretches. He's made this same "stretching face" since he was a baby and I think it's the cutest thing, and therefore couldn't resist posting it: Just a pretty view down one of the paths at Monument Park:
Now some race spectators are starting to show up, must mean the runners aren't far behind! Doesn't Emma have the sweetest profile?

Tiny Dancer

2008-07-26T10:32:00.004-06:00

The Girls

2008-07-26T10:28:00.001-06:00

Summer Is Winding Down . . .

2008-07-21T10:57:00.004-06:00

I am turning out to be the summer's worst blogger! I wonder if there is an award for that?

In any case, I've thought up an excuse. My sister has a new baby to post pictures of on her blog, and everyone knows that pictures of a new baby trump every other kind of picture. So, maybe I'm not posting many pictures out of respect for my sister's moment in the limelight? I mean, you wouldn't get married on the same day as your sister, right? Or, maybe we just haven't been doing anything very "picture worthy" lately - you can decide which excuse you like better.

The past few weeks have been pretty slow, with the kids playing with neighborhood friends and me drifting through the much slower routine of these last summer days. It's hard to believe that we have only a few weeks of summer vacation left! The proof sits beside me as I type - in the form of four backpacks lined up, ready to be stuffed full of newly purchased school supplies. Josh, Emma, and Hannah are excited - especially Hannah as this will be her first year! Eli looks uncomfortable whenever school is mentioned, and seems to think he learned plenty last year and shouldn't be expected to return.

The other day I was talking to a friend about one of my favorite books, Dickens' "David Copperfield". It's been nearly 10 years since I first read it, so I decided to take it out and read it over again. I only tell you this because it amazes me how your perception of a book and its characters can completely transform as you gain more life experience. When I first read this book, I was newly married and childless. Alot has happened in my life since then, and my experiences have dramatically changed how I see some of the book's characters. One thing that has not changed is the thrill I experienced reading, what I still believe is the best opening line in literary history:

"Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show."

In fact, my life experiences over the years have only served to make that line even more poignant. What an amazing point to ponder - if your life story was told, who would be the hero?

Love,
Jen
Ps. If you haven't read "David Copperfield", you really should - quick, before the summer is over and you are back to required reading only!

Catching Up, The Grand Finale

2008-07-12T14:56:00.009-06:00

You people knew that this flurry of posts could not draw to a close without an appearance from the family pets, right? If you didn't, then this must be your first visit to my blog!

Now, before we commence with photos, there are some things you should know:

Yes, we have acquired another animal.

Yes, Joel feels that he is now officially living on Noah's Ark.

No, we will not be adding any more pets to our family, I do solemnly swear.

So, without further ado, I am pleased to introduce Jane, our new cockatiel.

Jane is a cinnamon pied, Joshua's first official pet, and the sweetest little baby you could wish for. We are all enjoying her - well, I guess in Joel's case enjoy would be too strong. But Joel isn't not enjoying her, which is the best I could have hoped for! Joshua chose her name, and I think it's such a sweet name!

Now, in a family the size of ours, you really can't please everyone all of the time. Pidge the budgie does not find Jane remotely interesting or amusing. Jane returns the sentiment. Dobby the budgie thinks that Jane is absolutely enchanting, and dances around her singing his sweetest songs and clucking and bobbing his little head. This scenario always ends with Dobby offering to groom her, and Jane promptly knocking Dobby off his perch. Poor little Dobby, some women just can't be pleased. While I can't imagine any girl not being completely charmed by his advances, I don't think Jane is going to come around.

Pidge and Jane squaring off - Dobby very wisely backs way up. Or did he back up to get a better view of the impending "catfight"? I know some guys are into that.

Nope, I guess Dobby isn't one of "those guys", he can't even watch as the tension mounts!

So, now you are caught up on the little hawks and critters - and I hope that I'll be much better at keeping the blog updated from now on!

Love,

Jen

2008-07-12T14:27:00.003-06:00

Here are the little hawks having a blast at a local play place called Pump It Up. It's an indoor inflatable slide nirvana, and one of the kids' favorite outings. As you can probably deduce from the state of Emma and Hannah's hair, I wasn't there with them ;) !!

I was on my way to Vail to pick up Joel's sister and bring her back to Colorado Springs for her flight home to Houston the next day. I had some much needed alone time on the gorgeous drive there, a fabulous lunch with Marta and her son Eric (who lives in Vail), and a wonderful time visiting with Marta on our drive back to the Springs. We miss you Marta, our time together was too short!

Here are some more Pump It Up pictures - they are pretty blurry - I'm sure due to the fact that Joel must have had a very hard time catching those split seconds when the children were actually still enough to photograph!

In case you can't tell - that's Hannah under all of the black hair, and Emma's sporting the summer's latest hair trend - the "Shaggy Dog"!

Catching Up, Part II

2008-07-12T12:41:00.004-06:00

I always hear about how rarely Joel appears on my blog. Some have even hinted that they doubt his existence. So, I decided I would dedicate a whole post to Joel to prove that indeed, he does exist, and indeed, I consider him blogworthy. This past week, Joel got another 14er under his belt, Mt. Princeton. For those of you unfamiliar with that term, Colorado has 54 mountains that reach 14,000 ft. (or over) at the summit. Here in Colorado, they are commonly referred to as "fourteeners". Many avid hikers/climbers (what do you all call yourselves, incidentally?) have a goal to climb them all. Joel is halfway there! Here are some of his climb photos:

On the trail to the summit, he met another lone hiker and they traded cameras to document one another's climb - the photo above this caption was taken by the other hiker, a guy from Maryland! The next few photos Joel took using the timer on our camera:

Isn't that an amazing sight? Had I climbed with Joel, I would not have been able to enjoy it half as much as I enjoyed the photos. I don't know this for sure, but I have a strong suspicion that nature is more beautiful, and more apt to be enjoyed by the viewer, when said viewer's knees are still tucked safely within their sockets. My knees and their sockets would not have reached the summit together, and I find that life is all about setting appropriate priorities.

Now, the pictures below are my favorite. I don't know who began this tradition, but many climbers commemorate their 14er summit with a mid-air jump photo. This time around, Joel had to take his photo with the timer, since there was no one on the summit with him. The resulting shots were hilarious, but Joel wouldn't let me post the really good ones. In fact, I'm pretty sure he disposed of the evidence altogether. That's okay, I have them stored in my memory, and I'll take them out from time to time whenever I need a good chuckle. I do have his permission to post these, so here you have my husband, aka Superman:

Is it just me, or is he Walking Like an Egyptian? Could Joel be a closet Bangles fan?

I Have Some Catching Up To Do!

2008-07-12T12:30:00.003-06:00

The day before we left for California, Emma had her first Ballet Recital! She was so excited! The performance was wonderful, and of course I cried during Emma's part. I'm so happy that she enjoys her classes so much and wants to continue with this. I don't have any pictures of the actual recital worth posting, though. We were only allowed to take pictures at the Dress Rehearsal, and I forgot to charge my camera beforehand! BAD MOMMY!

I managed to get some shots before my battery died, but they all came out blurry and dark. These photos were taken by my Mom at Emma's last class before her performance, and I'm so glad we have them!

Emma's teacher, Maria, was a dream come true. She was fabulous with the kids and had a way of being a gentle encourager while at the same time not accepting less than their best work. I'm so sad Emma won't have her in the next few levels, as Maria primarily teaches the higher level students.

Emma starts ballet back up again next week, and she can't wait!

We're Home!

2008-06-29T11:39:00.002-06:00

We left California at 3:30 a.m. on Friday and arrived home at around 10:30 p.m. The kids were SO excited to see Joel, and their rooms, they were fairly busting as we pulled into the driveway. I would have been much more excited had I been able to feel my legs.

Nearly two days, some good sleep, and several cups of coffee later, I'm finally feeling like myself again after such a long drive! It really wasn't so bad, I think that we all had our minds so full of all the things that happened to us over the past month, we had alot to keep us occupied! I am so glad we spent the extra days after my sister came home. I always have an awesome time with Jen, but it was so special to be able to connect with Kelly.

I realize that I've seriously slacked on my blogging duties, and I promise to do better now that we're home. My sister couldn't access her blog in China, so my daily blogging allowance was spent updating her blog with all of the new pictures of Kelly she'd emailed to me - could you beat that job?

Thank you all for your prayers over our adventure!

~ Jen

Platonic Wedgie?

2008-06-15T12:08:00.003-06:00

Besides getting to spend this wonderful time with Caleb and Camryn, the best part of being here is feeling like I'm reconnecting with my own four children. We don't have to be quiet during the day, which has brought my own stress level down considerably, plus we're out of our daily routine and just enjoying each other.

Last night I carried a barely conscious Josh and Emma into the bedroom we're sharing and laid them down. I went and brushed my teeth, and came back into the room to find two hysterically silly children. I have no idea how that happened.

The thing about hysterically silly children is that it's almost impossible not to join in. But it was late and I was tired, so I tried very hard to make my voice sound serious when I asked what on earth they were laughing so hard about.

"Mama, what's a Platonic Wedgie?"
screams of laughter
"A What?"
"I heard it on TV, a Platonic Wedgie"
uh oh, someone said wedgie again, more laughter - this time I couldn't help it and joined in.
"Do you mean, an Atomic Wedgie?"
I admit, I laughed just saying it, too - I told you, it's contagious.
"Yes! Mama, what IS an Atomic Wedgie, why do they call it that?"
And that is the story of how I found myself, at midnight, between hysterical giggles, explaining to my 8 and 7 year olds how to give someone an atomic wedgie. And how and why it was different from a regular one.

These are the moments in parenting that you just can't anticipate. Actually, I don't think I've ever imagined myself having a conversation about wedgies with anyone. Oh well, the point is that you just never know.

As it happens, I kind of like the term "Platonic Wedgie". Maybe that's when just your pants are involved? After our wedgie discussion, Emma proposed that it would be much cooler if underwear were called WonderWear. She said it would make it sound more exciting, like something superheroes would wear. After the three of us recovered from laughing, I told her that I agreed 100%. Then I put on my Mommy hat and told them that really, it was WAY too late and they had to go to sleep now. But for those of you who know me - does it scare you as much as it does me that her mind works so much like mine? WonderWear - it makes perfect sense to me.

A few moments of dark silence later, Emma murmured drowsily:

"Mama, I love it when we laugh like we do".

Wow. The way she said that took my breath away, and tears of thanksgiving filled my eyes.

I love it when we laugh "like we do" too. But most of all I just love being a part of that "We".

~ Jen

Swimming!

2008-06-12T21:34:00.004-06:00

The kids have had a blast swimming nearly every day with their cousins. Josh has come a long way in just over a week, he's now able to swim the length of the pool and even race with Caleb and Camryn! Eli, Hannah, and Emma have so much fun in the water and Emma is now able to swim short distances by herself.

Overcome

2008-06-10T22:09:00.002-06:00

Can I just say, I'm overcome?

I'm overcome watching my sister become a mother for the third time. Watching her hold and comfort this new little one, born so far away from all we hold as familiar. Seeing my sister looking so relaxed, and happy, and at home - because her baby is finally in her arms. She really was made to be a mother, there is something magical about watching her in her element. Knowing that this little life is now one of ours - subject to all of the love, devotion, protection, and "zany" of that reality, it has me overcome with emotion.

I'm her Auntie, and I get to watch her grow - get to watch her become who she was meant to be. It's more joy than I can take in at once. I keep wanting to shout out, or cry for hours, or do something to vent all of these things I am feeling. I hope that one day, Kelly and I will sit and giggle together - like me and her sister - or perhaps we'll have each other in outright stitches like her brother and I do. Someday I hope we'll share an ice cream sundae, or a secret, together. Oh My, little one, you have so much love in store for you.

Thank You God, for Kelly. Thank You for my sister and Clint ~ who were willing to jump out in faith and meet whatever You had waiting for them. Thank You for this little one you've placed in our midst, and help us to be worthy of that trust.

Love,
A Very Overcome Auntie

They Have Her!

2008-06-10T08:25:00.008-06:00

This morning at about 4:45 a.m. Caleb, Camryn and I were able to Skype with Jen, Clint, and baby Kelly for the first time! What a breath taking moment, to see Caleb and Camryn look upon their new baby sister for the very first time. I wanted to capture that moment for each of them, so I stayed in the doorway while the video came up - I started crying before I even finished taking pictures and went to see her for myself, lol! I will never forget that moment - I am so happy that I was able to be a part of it!

Here are the pictures of this morning:

Sleepyheads waiting for "The Call" - Notice Camryn is wearing her "Jie Jie", or "Big Sister" shirt!

I photographed Caleb's reaction first, so that he wouldn't have a chance to regain his teenage composure and I would have a true "first reaction" shot! I think it's absolutely precious!

I quickly turned the camera on Camryn, but I needn't have hurried - she wasn't going to regain any sort of composure for quite awhile. Her reaction was raw delight and some happy tears!

One last shot before I get to go and see the baby!

Finally! Mommy, Daddy, and Baby - What a gorgeous sight!

Kelly is so beautiful, she was clapping and banging some toys together. She's had some weepy moments, but that is a good thing. She must be so confused about what in the world just happened! My sister was completely gorgeous, so lit up with happiness. Clint was so sweet and tender with his new baby - he is just fabulous with babies and jumps right in with confidence! The orphanage staff told them that Kelly has never seen a man before. LOL, she must think Clint is one ugly lady!!

We get to see them again this evening at about 5 p.m. our time - morning for them. We already can't wait! I LOVE SKYPE! Camryn and Caleb were able to interact with their new sister in real time from another continent, it was amazing! I posted the actual Gotcha Day pictures on Jen's travel blog. I figured that I should post the experience from our side since we are the Home Team China blog!

I'm sorry to all of you with nieces, but I really think that I've got the most beautiful nieces in the entire world! Praise God, we are very blessed!

Kelly appears to be very healthy, and they are telling Jen and Clint that she was hospitalized as a "precaution". Who knows what actually happened - I'm just so thankful she is OKAY and finally right where she belongs. Thank You God, for this wonderful gift!

Please Pray For Kelly Elise!

2008-06-08T19:24:00.002-06:00

Hi all,

I talked to my sister this morning and we need everyone's prayers for little Kelly. Last night in Hong Kong, my sister got a call from their representative, saying he had just received word that Kelly has been in the hospital for three days with a fever. He said she had been released just that day (the 8th) and that her fever is gone. He also said that there was something going on with her "mouth and feet" and so we are wondering if she possibly has hand, foot, and mouth disease? They just aren't sure of anything, but they are told they will still get Kelly on time - which is tomorrow for them. My sister is just desperate to have her daughter in her arms where she can care for her and meet all of her needs.

Please pray over Kelly's health, that she will get better and that everything will work out fine. Please also pray peace over my sister, her heart is very anxious over not knowing what is happening with her baby. Thank You!

I will update as soon as I hear anything from my sister.

Love,
Jen

Word From Away Team, and Fun Times For Home Team China!

2008-06-06T15:18:00.006-06:00

We heard from "Away Team China" and they have arrived safely in a very rainy, sticky Hong Kong. Everything went well with their travels and they are looking forward to touring Hong Kong today with their group. We'll get on Skype with them in about an hour and see their sweet faces for ourselves. Speaking of sweet faces, here are some pictures of the cousins having a great time building forts and playing at the park!

We're Here, They're Not!

2008-06-05T13:10:00.004-06:00

I know I promised family and friends that I would update regularly from California, but since our arrival on Monday I've been soaking up my time with my sister and helping out in whatever little ways I can. This morning around 5 a.m., they left for Hong Kong!

It has just been so sweet to see the high state of anticipation my sister has been in these past few days. The excitement that lights up her eyes even when she's talking about something wholly unrelated to the adoption, and the dreamy, far off look that she gets when things are quiet. It's wonderful to watch someone you love so much in this stage of the adoption process. Her excitement is my excitement, and my heart has been skipping along joyously in time with hers. Knowing that very soon, her heart's desire will be placed in her arms to stay forever is completely exhilarating!

There is only one thing that has surprised me from over here on this side of adoption. Last night and this morning, I found myself feeling these intense waves of sadness. All of the sudden I realized how much I am going to miss my sister! We talk at least twice on most days, more if there is something really noteworthy going on! It's going to be strange to have her so far away for two whole weeks! I never realized before that there should be a distance limitation between sisters. If there was one, my sister would be FAR outside the boundaries right now. Please don't get me wrong, I know that I must sound so selfish. I am SO happy that my sister is exactly where she is, and absolute joy is my primary emotion right now. I just didn't realize how forlorn I would feel without my touchstone.

You see, my sister is the one I never have to explain myself to. She just seems to know, and on the rare occasions she doesn't get it - she always gives me the benefit of the doubt. She can say the "hard things" to me, but she never runs out of grace for me. I can say anything to her, and never fear condemnation. I can tell how she's feeling as soon as I hear her voice, or even by the way she words a casual email. She can tell me what I'm feeling when I'm too lost to find the right words. I'm so blessed.

I'm so blessed to have such a sister, and to be a part of her journey to her baby daughter. I'm so blessed to share these two weeks with my niece and nephew, and to be here to watch this family grow. I will post more pictures of our "Home Team China" (our new name) and all of our doings soon. Jen and Clint are "Away Team China" and you can see all of THEIR doings on:

http://tochinaforkelly.blogspot.com/

Love,

Jen

Almost Time!

2008-05-29T13:27:00.002-06:00

This coming Sunday, the kiddos and I will be heading back to California!

Josh will be with us this time, and Joel will be holding down the fort with our pets. The best part about this trip is the reason for it - my sister and Clint are finally heading to China to bring Kelly home! We'll be staying with my niece and nephew while they're gone, and we are all so excited! Caleb and Camryn have always been such wonderful older cousins. Not only are they so sweet with them, but the example they set for my children is one of integrity, self sacrifice, and respect. Thank You Caleb and Camryn!

I'm also THRILLED to have several weeks with these two! I don't get to spend nearly enough time with them, and I look forward to all the fun we'll have, and strengthening my bond with them. I feel so blessed that my sister has placed such enormous, sacred trust in me. And I CAN'T WAIT to finally see Kelly in her Mama's arms! I keep imagining what that is going to feel like, and I still can't fathom the raw emotion that moment is going to hold. It's hard to go through our daily routine when all of us are really California Dreamin' - we are SO ready to be there!

We Love You Jen, Clint, Caleb, and Camryn -- SEE YOU SOON GUYS!

Just Pictures

2008-05-26T19:51:00.005-06:00

All Made Up
Her Response To, "Okay Hannah, Show Me A Pose!"
"Okay Hannah, Show Me A Kissy Face"
"Emma, Where's Your Kissy Face?""Hold Still Hannah . . . I'll Just Clamp Down On Your Head To Be Safe"
Goofy Girls!
Birthday Pictures!

Here are some pictures of our weekend. We "officially" celebrated Emma's birthday on Saturday since my Mom was here with us. We had such a fantastic weekend together, although it's always so sad to see her leave.

I think my favorite moment of her visit was the first day when Eli came home from school and found her here. I hadn't told him that she was coming, since he has a hard time understanding time frames. She was driving, and I felt if she was delayed at all he wouldn't understand, so I let it be a surprise. He was so cute coming in the front door. He stopped in his tracks before even opening the door and his jaw dropped! He signed "Grandma!" and ran to her with the biggest smile on his face. He had brought home a plant from school and he handed it to her, it seemed he felt the need to present her with a gift, lol. He sure loves his Rinnie, and it's wonderful to see him forming these family bonds. We had some good "girl time" with Hannah and Emma at the mall on Saturday, and even got to enjoy a dinner out with just the two of us. We love you so much Mom, thank you for blessing us with your visit.

Love,

Jen