I was able to share openly how I was feeling, which was cleansing.
I also shared a couple of what I saw as small victories we'd had over the week, and our therapist pointed out that they were NOT small, but super huge. Just hearing him explain why these couple of events were huge strides for Hannah (he even drew me a picture, lol) really gave me a new burst of energy and hope. I really needed to see that we are moving in the right direction, that something is happening. I also needed to see that it's okay for me to feel frustrated and angry sometimes, it isn't a reflection on me as a person - it just means that I am one.
I'll just share our victories now:
- We took the kids to see "Bolt" Monday night. During a pretty emotional scene, I felt Hannah put her arm through mine. I looked down at her and was shocked to see tears in her eyes. I have NEVER seen Hannah cry genuine tears. Not only was she crying without any ulterior motive, these were tears of empathy - another thing I've never seen her exhibit.
- During our holding session yesterday, Hannah made eye contact for a full 30 seconds. She's never made it past six seconds!
Our therapist also encouraged me by saying that even though some days will seem "one step forward, two steps back", we will never go all the way back to zero. We will continue to move towards Hannah being healed. That is all I needed to hear.
After our session, my Mom gave Joel and I a big treat by watching the kids and we went out for Thai food. I'm feeling so much better, thank you guys who left sweet words of support, they worked!
5 comments:
WOW. That's amazing, Jen. Truly awesome. Look at you- already bolstered to get back into the ring after feeling so down, and why? Because you love that little girl so much, and as long as you know what you're doing is going somewhere, no matter how long it takes, you're there, without a doubt, ready to fight for her little heart. Once again, you are my hero.
I'm so happy for these strides, and so happy that John made it clear that they are not little, but huge for you and for Hannah- praise God!
Also, thanks for giving me hope as I trudge the path of attachment with a less than easy child as well. I'm so proud of you and honored to be your sister.
Thanks again for sharing from your heart.
I WUV U,
Jebbi
Congrats-I am so glad your doing this and talking about it with us! I know it is hard to share your inter-most-thoughts but it really will help us out in blogging land!Hugs Carrie
Jen,
First off I want to say THANK YOU for sharing everything that you have shared. I know it must be hard for you to open up to us "bloggers" out there, but I truly appreciate your words. Your words hold so much hope and wisdom. Although it might seem like times are dark and gloomy right now, I hope you will find small rays of sunshine filtering through your life and eyes. God never gives us more than we can handle, and He, along with all of us, BELIEVE in you not only as a mom, but as a disciple of God to carry this out and find the light! I will say some extra prayers for you and your family. It is so good to hear that you are making strides in the right direction. Although they might seem small to you, I know they are BIG to Hannah. Keep surrounding her with all your love and grace. Hang in there and I hope you will see a bright rainbow so soon. You deserve it!
Blessings,
Debbie Blomquist
Oh, my gosh, showing empathy is HUGE!!! That nut is starting to crack open, Jen. Keep right in there.
It's awesome that you have so much family support, too. That'll help you keep perspective when you're feeling like things are slowing down. You need to be around people who can remind you have far you've come.
Hellooooooooooooooooooo.... anyone there????
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