Here are the kids at the third race in the Fall Series. This coming Sunday, they will run the fourth and final race and we'll head out for our annual celebratory pizza party.
I have to add something pertaining to these races and how I'm learning more and more about the mysterious nature of boys. When we told Eli that the race was coming up, he was NOT excited. The last race was tough, and he just doesn't enjoy running the way that the other children do, which is fine! He said he didn't want to run the race because it was too hard. He said he only like running short distances, not long ones (like Gimli in Lord of the Rings, he is very dangerous over short distances). Joel explained that if he didn't run all four races in the series, he wouldn't receive a trophy like his brothers and sisters. Eli had been so excited about getting that trophy, but even this had no effect on him, so Joel and I told him he didn't have to run. That's when Josh teased that if he ran the race and Eli didn't, his muscles would be bigger. Eli wasn't having that! It's so funny to me that the boys have a great relationship, yet they are still so competitive with one another. I just don't get it - but Joel assures me it's a guy thing.
Now that you've had your picture fix, here's what we've been up to:
- I got a terrible haircut. I know that this isn't technically an "event", but I mean it's a really bad one. I've never had a haircut that actually made me feel self conscious before, but this one does. I should revise and say that the haircut itself isn't terrible, it just looks terrible on ME. Since high school, I've always wondered if I could pull off short hair. The answer is, sadly, no. I will not be posting any pictures of myself for at least a year, but at least I learned something, right?
- I had my very first blogtroversy. That's when people have words with each other via blogger. Wait, I have to revise again - technically I didn't have words with anyone, they had them with me. The whole thing was so odd, really! Like my terrible haircut, it wasn't a pleasant experience, but it was a learning experience.
In conclusion, I've learned two very important things this month:
- I look awful with short hair. My advice - don't experiment with your hair just before the holidays. Wait until you can hide out if it goes badly.
- Some people can get really ugly if they even suspect they are being disagreed with. My advice: When these people are talking you should just nod and smile. No matter what they are saying. If you are reading their blog and they can't actually see you nod and smile - skip the comment section and do it anyway just to get yourself into the habit. How do we know if we are dealing with one of these people? Best not to find out - just nod and smile.
On a more serious note (not that my hair problem isn't serious), Eli has been very "off" for the past few days. For the most part, we'd made alot of progress with some of his more negative adjustment behaviors like stealing, lying, and dissolving into fits of weeping when things didn't go his way. But last night he absolutely bawled because there were "short" noodles (penne pasta) in his spaghetti rather than "long" ones. This morning he bawled because he thought it was November 13th and I told him it was the 12th. Then out of the blue, he asked for his hearing aides, which we sent back in April because they weren't helping him and he hated wearing them. He literally hasn't even asked about them in seven months, but this morning he cried like the world had ended when I told him they were gone. I know something must be going on, but I have no idea what that might be.
In my reading before we adopted Eli, I came across something once where children abandoned at an older age sometimes begin to act out right around the anniversary of their abandonment. According to this theory, the changes in season and subsequent changes in weather can trigger the feelings of fear and grief they experienced. Eli was abandoned when he was six years old, on the 24th of November. It makes me wonder if the leaves falling and the chill in the air has possibly triggered those feelings in him, hence the return of the crying over every little thing? If this is the case, I'm not sure how to help him through it. Once again I find myself feeling as though I'm looking on helplessly while my son is hurting. I guess I all I can offer him is my love, and an extra big measure of grace - but I wish so badly that I could see what he sees, and feel what he feels.
I wish I could somehow take it all from him, but I know that only time can heal his wounds.
Not the most cheerful way to end my little update, but it did help me to type it all out - blogs are great that way!
Love,
Jen
7 comments:
Hi Jen!
It was great to read your blog tonight! I find it truly amazing how wonderfully you write and portray things through your writing. I feel as though I am reading a really good book, one in which you just can't put down, and neglect everything to just READ!! Well, before you get worried about my kids being neglected, they are in bed, and it was my time to unwind. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and ideas. You truly have a gift of writing.
I hope things with Eli get better in time. Keep surrounding him with your love, and hopefully he will see the rays of sunshine shining through you, which will bring him some peace.
I wish you would post a picture of you with your new haircut. I am sure you look wonderful! I hope that it grows out quickly though for you since you are not happy with it.
Thanks again for letting me read your story. I do hope someday that we will be able to meet each other. Good luck to all the kiddos in their last race!
Take care,
Debbie Blomquist (your sister's friend)!
Thank you so much Debbie, you made my morning! I'm too chicken to post a picture of my haircut - which is so funny because I've always thought I didn't care about things like that. It turns out I just never had a bad enough haircut, lol. Thanks for your words of encouragement about Eli, too - just this morning I was thinking about how far we've come in just a year with him.
I hope we can meet someday soon!
~ Jen
Hi Jen,
Sorry about your "bad" haircut. I am certain you look much more beautiful than you realize. And yes, war of words are never fruitful. I still get sick when I think about all that.
The stuff with your Eli sounds do hard. Sarah (though only nearly 3) has begun to do some things that I feel strangely confident have to do with her abandonment as well. Our pediatrician said something about it being like the elephant in the room. Instead of ignoring it, invite it in, deal with it and then it will go of it's own accord. He may visit again but the harder we try to force him away, the more he wants to come.
Maybe a silly analogy but, it has really helped me perspective that this may be her way of growing, developing and healing. To love, love and love some more through while still establishing clear and appropriate behavior and giving them everything we have. The sun will shine and the elephant will leave (at least for a while). Hang in there :-)
Happy Thursday,
Anna
Thank you so much for visiting our blog! I appreciate your comments, and it is so nice to know that someone else has had those same "reservations" about purchasing those hearing aids!! I feel awful for even having to "think" about it!! But, it's a LOT of money to come out of our pockets right before Christmas!! I'll have to come back to your blog when I have more time, but I loved your "China Remembered" post! And, based on what you looked like THEN......I think you would look GREAT with a really short hair cut!! So, maybe you're just being too critical of yourself! You definitely have the "face" for short hair! BUT....I know exactly how you feel! I had my WORST hair cut about three years ago and I actually CRIED the whole way home (and for days after)!!!! Thank goodness hair grows back! Hang in there!! I'm sure you look just fine!!
:)
Oh sweet one, you are such a good and insightful mommy- just the fact that you have the awareness you do about the emotional triggers Eli is possibly experiencing tells me he will find healing in the safe and loving environment God has provided in his home with his family. You're an awesome mommy- and never underestimate the power of prayer. I love to go in after my children have fallen asleep and just lay my hand on them and pray for them. Nothing is more powerful.
Okay, about your hair- I have seen it- it is NOT that bad! You are truly so beautiful you could shave your head and you'd still look good!
As for your blog, isn't it funny that right after your "blogtroversy", Debbie made that comment about reading it and how it's like reading a really good book?! Hmmm... guess it must be interesting after all, huh?
I LOVE YOU!
God knew what he was doing when he sent Eli to your arms, so give up worrying that you aren't up to the task of figuring out every little thing. He doesn't call the qualified, but qualifies the called, remember? You are the manifestation of God's love and grace that boy needs to see right now, and you're doing an absolutely awesome job of just being his mom. I'm so proud of you sometimes I could cry.
Hi Jen, it's your former next door neighbor hollerin' at ya from down in Texas! I love checking in (ok, lurking) on your blog and reading your great stories about all the kids. Amazing to see how much they are growing into such beautiful and unique little people! I look forward to meeting Eli in person one of these days. I came *this close* to coming to Colorado for a visit a few weeks ago but family stuff changed my plans for the time being. I'll pop in to say Hi to y'all in the spring perhaps! Tell everyone that Mr. Kevin and Mrs. Debby send our love!!
p.s. I bet your "bad" haircut is nothing compared to some of my 80's perm/cut doozies and I DO have pictures somewhere! The kids will never let me live it down. LOL!
Post a Comment