Three years have passed since this day, and yet just thinking about it, all of the feelings come rushing back as vividly as though it were here again. I remember being shocked at how soundly I'd slept the night before, and being even more shocked at how calm and serene I felt throughout the morning. The only sign that this day was "The Day" was the way I couldn't quite get my breakfast down. For so many months, in every quiet moment, I'd pictured myself on this day. I wondered how I would feel, actually seeing her for the first time. I'd studied her pictures relentlessly, even kissed them goodnight, and I loved her fiercely. But as the morning wore on into the afternoon when we would leave for Civil Affairs and receive our children, fear began winding it's cold fingers around my heart. What was I doing here, in this foreign place, ready to claim this tiny stranger as my own - my life never to be the same again?! Who did I think I was? I had two small children at home, one of them having his first day of school without his Mommy there to walk him into his classroom. And I was in China, scared to death, stepping into completely unknown territory. Suddenly I wished myself home, where I felt secure and confident in my abilities to handle what each day would bring.
Well, the bottom line was - I had to find a way to push through this sudden panic. I didn't have time for these fears, and they weren't going to hold any sway. I was here, and she was mine, and it was time to meet our guide in the hotel lobby and head off to get her!
And my life has never been the same.
- It's been harder, because I've been forced to dig deeper into myself than I ever imagined I could for the strength and wisdom to get through some days.
- It's been more satisfying, because I know that the changes she has brought into my life have made me a better person.
- It's been more emotional, because every victory is monumental, and every failure is heartbreaking.
- It's been absolutely breathtaking.
Hannah has grown my heart, she has grown my spirit, and she has taught me how to love without any sense of self. It's hard to look at her now, and remember the tiny, helpless, terrified little mite that she was on this day, three years ago.
I love you, my sweet little one. Thank you for all you have brought into my life, and everything you continue to bring. I pray that as the years go on, I will be as great a blessing to you, as you are to me.
I'm so glad that I am yours, and you are mine.
Love,
Your Mama
1 comment:
Happy gotcha Hannah!
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