Praying for Carrie . . .

I received a heartbreaking email this morning from a friend of my sweet friend Carrie.

Carrie and I both adopted around the same time, and because we both adopted older children we've traded emails, encouraged one another, and kept up with each other's lives through our blogs. The adoption community is a pretty tight knit one, and we quite often bond with each other across many miles. Even though I've never met her in person, we were able to bond through the life changes we were both experiencing, our faith - and just because she's an all around great lady.

Monday morning, Carrie's precious daughter MJ passed away as the result of a tragic accident. My heart is so heavy for Carrie and her family, and I ask that you all would pray for them during this terrible time. I can't find any words to express how deeply my heart hurts for them. I cannot begin to imagine the depth of their pain.

Sweet Carrie, please know that I am lifting you up to Our Father even as I type this.
MJ deeply touched so many lives, including mine. I'm so thankful that her life was transformed by experiencing the unfailing love of a phenomenal mother like you. I can't say or do anything that will lessen your pain, but please know that I will continue to petition The Healer on your behalf.

Much Love,
Jen

Tagged!

I've been tagged by my blog friend Carrie and my IRL friend Trina! Carrie's blog is password protected so I can't link to it. Trina's blog is linked on my blog. My only problem is that I don't have seven other bloggie people that I "know" well enough to tag - how absolutely lame is that? Thanks guys, now I'm just depressed! :)



Okay, now for my 7 random facts . . .
Update: I had to change my list after talking to my sister, who knows me better than I know myself. I had such a hard time coming up with my list, but she was able to identify much better random things about me straight off the cuff, so I've edited the list accordingly. I've put an asterisk by the items I changed.

1. My favorite book is Jane Eyre. No, that isn't the weird part - the weird part is that I read it every year. There, now you know. I actually cringed with embarrassment typing that. My husband thinks reading the same book every year is seriously wacko. Am I really the only one who does that??


2. * Whenever I eat a meal, I always eat my least favorite item first and save my favorite for last.


3. My taste in music could be called schizophrenic. It ranges all the way from Bach to Kanye West, depending on my mood.


4. Guinea pigs give me hives.


5. I hate fish - eating it, I mean. I don't have anything against them existing.


6. Steel yourselves, my liberal friends: I love to target shoot handguns. I've taken a couple of classes and had an absolute blast.


7. * I'm incredibly clumsy. I often trip and fall or drop things for no apparent reason - I should wear a warning label, I'm serious.

So, I tag my sister:

http://tochinaforkelly.blogspot.com/

Kimberly:

http://360.yahoo.com/profile-FwEwmFYwf6noz8jv5qrQq6mouDs-?cq=1

and Kathi:

http://krusekids.blogspot.com/

~ Jen

Second Race In The Fall Series . . .

Sunday was the second race in the annual Pikes Peak Road Runners Fall Series. The kids really look forward to this every year. This race was held at Bear Creek Park. It was an absolutely perfect fall day, with the leaves on the trees at the peak of their fall glory. Here are the kids, all warmed up and ready to run:I love how Hannah runs with her arms straight down at her sides. She's been shown the "right" way, but she much prefers "her" way. She just looks so cute with her very serious running face on - my sweet little robot girl.Emma's runs freestyle - the way Emma does everything. She has the best time running and always gives it her all. Well, to be completely honest about that last statement - last year we did have some trouble with her running off the trail when she saw a particularly pretty flower or butterfly! Eli really enjoys running, too! His only issue is pacing himself, as you'll see in the subsequent photos. He is so determined to beat his brother that he takes off like a shot and runs full out for as long as he can, no matter how many times we try to explain to him that he should slow down a bit and reserve his energy for a strong finish. When you've got a mile to race, and some pretty significant hills to get up in the process, sprinting isn't your best bet. "Yeah, I'm totally ahead of Josh! I think I've really got him this time!""Aw, Geez, are they kidding me with these hills?!

"I . . . must . . . push . . . through . . . the . . . pain!""Yeah, I'm gonna just walk real casual like something very profound just occured to me."Here comes slow and steady Josh - just a slight bit smug over leaving his brother in the dust. After the races, my Mom and I headed out for some girl time

and the kids had some 'in the trees time' with Joel:

I am slightly sorry to have missed "In The Trees" time, it sure looks like it was fun. But I did really enjoy having time alone with my Mom, and let's be honest - my kids being up in trees usually results in me having some intense "Bite My Lips Until They Bleed" time. So really it's better that Joel had that shift, right?

Our China Trip Remembered . . .

Just in case you ever wondered what we look like after 18 hours on a plane. Yikes.
The view from our hotel room window in Nanjing. Not bad, eh? This was my third trip to China, and my first trip where our hotel window didn't look out on a brick wall. Third time really is a charm.
We waited for about twenty minutes before Eli got to the Civil Affairs office. Ugh, it felt like forever! He traveled from Xuzhou, which is several hours away, by train that morning.
Poor sweet thing, he was so nervous! Within about ten minutes, he started playing cars with me and we even had the ghost of a giggle and some smiles.
The following day, we went back to Civil Affairs to "seal the deal". China requires that you have a temporary custody period of 24 hours before finalizing the adoption. It was amazing to see how relieved he was after the paperwork was done and we left Civil Affairs for the last time. He skipped, laughed, and hugged us both.
And then he rode a giant stone donkey. Just kidding! Eli wasn't as excited about all of the sight seeing that we did in the subsequent days we were in Nanjing. He much preferred eating and playing with toys back at the hotel!

One Year Ago . . .

One year ago today, Eli and I met for the second time - but this time I knew I'd never have to walk away from him again.

The first time I met the little boy who was meant to be my son, I was with my friend Kimberly on her adoption trip. We visited the orphanage where her new son had spent the majority of his 13 years, and that's where I first saw Eli. We walked through the freezing cold rooms, handing out candy to the children there. They were all clamoring loudly for our attention - all but one. He sat still, hands folded in front of him, searching my face with his beautiful dark eyes. Something about the way he looked at me made it impossible for me to move away from him. We just stared at one another, until suddenly he smiled at me. It was the most beautiful smile - full of sweetness and sunshine.

At that moment, though I did not know it yet in my conscious mind, he and I belonged to one another. I couldn't explain why when we left the orphanage, I felt as though a piece of my heart was being torn out and left behind.

The series of events that brought him into our family forever were nearly a year in the making, but this video shows those first few moments when the impossible became possible, and a new life began for one little boy and one very blessed Mommy.

When they brought Eli in to us, I realized how utterly helpless I was to do anything to comfort him. He was scared to death and had no sign language, and I couldn't soothe him with a soft voice or sign to him that it was all going to be okay. He sat across from me and just stared. Just as he did the first time we met, he searched my face. Except this time, it was with uncertainty and fear in his eyes rather than an innocent curiosity. I could only meet his gaze while trying to convey my love and his utter safety with me in my smile. Now watching the video, I think I look a little creepy! I think we both look pretty scared, too. In the end, we just had to learn to trust each other - something only time can accomplish.

Happy Gotcha Day Anniversary, my Eli.

May we continue to grow in love and trust. I pray to be worthy of the trust you've given me, and that one day we may look back upon each of our hard won victories and our many disappointing defeats hand in hand. I pray that one day, you will truly know how very much I love you. I hope you will remember how I came back for you, and I hope you will trust that no matter what, I will never let you go.

Love,

Your Mama

Joshua's Birthday Evening

Here we are after school, feeling quite a bit perkier than we were at the Pre-Sunrise Birthday Celebration! The boys had a great time building Legos together when Eli got home. I am so proud of Josh for being so willing to share his new sets and building with his brother.
I was worried that Eli might have a tough time with jealousy, since this is the first time he's been home for Joshua's birthday. Eli woke up in the morning and the first thing he did as he jumped out of bed was sign "Happy Birthday!" over and over again. It was so sweet to see him delighted for his brother.
Each child gets to pick the entire day's menu and cake flavor on their birthday. For Josh's dinner, he chose roasted chicken, baked potatoes, and salad with avocado. Instead of a cake, he wanted a chocolate pie. The other children were aghast! No birthday cake??? To appease the masses, I made cupcakes as well. We ended up in a sugar frenzy, since each child felt obligated to sample both. The traditional "licking of the candle" ceremony . . . good thing we had alot of candles.

Happy Birthday Joshua, I hope that your 9th year is filled with as much joy and wonder as you bring into my life every single day!

Love,

Your Blessed Mama

Happy Birthday Joshua!

I can't believe that my first baby turned 9 today! Happy Birthday my love!
I gave Joshua the option of having his celebration before or after school. Guess which one he chose? He said that school would drag by much too slowly if he didn't open his presents in the morning! We had his favorite cinnamon rolls and bacon for breakfast and then opened presents, all before Eli's bus arrived at 7 a.m. I think everyone looks a little bleary eyed in these pictures but we had a great birthday morning all the same!
MomMom and PopPop gave Joshua birthday money, but the best gift of all is that MomMom came all the way from Maryland to spend his birthday with him. This is the first birthday she has spent with us and Josh is so glad she was here to celebrate.
Legos, Legos, and more Legos. Between the two boys, we should have a guest house comprised entirely of Legos by next Christmas. I'm really looking forward to that - I hope it's well insulated and tastefully decorated.
Hannah is thinking, "Poor Josh, he just got a bunch of Legos for his birthday. Mom and Dad must not really like him very much. Not a single stuffed puppy or Polly Pocket in sight! I sure hope he doesn't cry."

Actually, he did. In fact, every one of the Four Little Hawks cried at some point this morning. They just didn't feel it was right that birthdays and school should occur on the same day. Once 'celebration' mode kicked in, 'get ready for school' mode felt cruel and unusual. The birthday boy got to come home early, which compensated him somewhat for the three hour separation from the new Lego sets crying out to be built.

Now THAT'S Better . . .

My melancholy has evaporated!

You might wonder how this could be, when just a few hours ago I was so very melancholy.

Well, I'll tell you. I went to get the kids from school, and was sitting at an intersection while a crossing guard walked some children across the street. I was lost in thought, and not paying attention to the fact that my radio was even on. All of the sudden, the crossing guard really started to get down. At the same moment, I noticed Kanye West blaring through my speakers and out my open window. The kids all laughed watching their crossing guard dance, the crossing guard laughed at the Mom in the minivan blaring Kanye, and I laughed pretty much the rest of the way to school. Isn't it funny how something so silly can completely lift your mood?

~ Thanks Kanye, There Really Is Only One of You ~
~ Thanks Crossing Guard - You Are One Sassy Slave To Rhythm ~

Seasons . . .

Maybe it's the cloudy weather today, but I'm feeling a bit melancholy.

Our family has entered a new season, with all four children in school and each with their own activities. Life has changed. I know this is all normal, and every family experiences it as their children grow, but I'm struggling to find my groove in the midst of it.

The biggest issue is that we have something going on every night of the week. ASL classes, an ASL reading tutor, swimming two nights a week, ballet, then church. I'm still trying to get it all to run smoothly alongside dinner, baths, and homework. I think what makes me feel melancholy is that I feel like I'm never just spending time with any of the children. It feels as though I'm either speeding around getting us ready to go somewhere - or when we are at home, I'm trying to catch up with things around the house. I can't seem to find a rhythm to it all, or a sense of accomplishment in any of it. I feel as though I'm just running to keep up, but I don't feel I'm doing a very good job of it.

I know that the secret is to be more purposeful about the time we do have together as a family. For some reason, I'm just having a tough time finding the balance I need to do that. I feel quick tempered and exasperated far too often, no matter how much I try to stay calm and take things in stride.

I know there is nothing unique about my experience, but I just thought I would share what I'm feeling in this new season of life. This post isn't very cheerful, but it's where I really am right at this moment. If anyone reading this has any tips or words of wisdom from their own experience, I'd love to hear them!

~ Jen