One Year Ago . . .

One year ago today, Eli and I met for the second time - but this time I knew I'd never have to walk away from him again.

The first time I met the little boy who was meant to be my son, I was with my friend Kimberly on her adoption trip. We visited the orphanage where her new son had spent the majority of his 13 years, and that's where I first saw Eli. We walked through the freezing cold rooms, handing out candy to the children there. They were all clamoring loudly for our attention - all but one. He sat still, hands folded in front of him, searching my face with his beautiful dark eyes. Something about the way he looked at me made it impossible for me to move away from him. We just stared at one another, until suddenly he smiled at me. It was the most beautiful smile - full of sweetness and sunshine.

At that moment, though I did not know it yet in my conscious mind, he and I belonged to one another. I couldn't explain why when we left the orphanage, I felt as though a piece of my heart was being torn out and left behind.

The series of events that brought him into our family forever were nearly a year in the making, but this video shows those first few moments when the impossible became possible, and a new life began for one little boy and one very blessed Mommy.

When they brought Eli in to us, I realized how utterly helpless I was to do anything to comfort him. He was scared to death and had no sign language, and I couldn't soothe him with a soft voice or sign to him that it was all going to be okay. He sat across from me and just stared. Just as he did the first time we met, he searched my face. Except this time, it was with uncertainty and fear in his eyes rather than an innocent curiosity. I could only meet his gaze while trying to convey my love and his utter safety with me in my smile. Now watching the video, I think I look a little creepy! I think we both look pretty scared, too. In the end, we just had to learn to trust each other - something only time can accomplish.

Happy Gotcha Day Anniversary, my Eli.

May we continue to grow in love and trust. I pray to be worthy of the trust you've given me, and that one day we may look back upon each of our hard won victories and our many disappointing defeats hand in hand. I pray that one day, you will truly know how very much I love you. I hope you will remember how I came back for you, and I hope you will trust that no matter what, I will never let you go.

Love,

Your Mama