Folks, the honeymoon is officially over. I will always remember it fondly . . .
I'm going back and forth about how "real" my blog should really be. Anyone who knows me understands that I can't be anything but real . . . so if you're looking for a sunshine adoption story worthy of a Hallmark movie, you should probably move on.
If you followed our MRI adventure, you know that when Eli ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. From minute one, we learned that Eli's waterworks are tipped on at the first sign of things not going precisely his way. When we first came home, everything was new and exciting, and for the most part he was a pretty happy little guy. He loved going to school - starting during the holidays probably set him up to think that it was all crafts, candy, and visits from Santa. In the past couple of months, mornings have been a nightmare. It goes something like this:
"Eli, wake up, it's time to get ready for school"
"No"
"Yes, Eli, time to get up"
sits on floor, looking obstinate, refuses to get dressed.
"Eli, get up NOW and dress, come downstairs and eat"
waterworks commence (I always told Joel I'd like to have a water feature in the yard, should I move Eli permanently into the yard, do you think?? Or would that be wrong?)
Soon, I hear him stomping down the stairs with all of his might.
Once, he actually stomped so hard that he lost his footing and fell. I laughed a little on the inside - after making sure he wasn't hurt - was that wrong?
Then, I spend the next 20 minutes watching Eli weep into his cereal.
"I want to watch TV"
"No, it's time for the bus"
waterworks resume
Mercifully, the bus arrives, and takes him away. The best part is that I know I get to do it all over again tomorrow.
After school, as always, I asked him how his day went. He immediately burst into tears (oh, mercy), and told me that his teacher was very angry at him and sent him to time out. He informed me that he was "finished" with school and was not going tomorrow. I asked him why he was sent to time out, to which he replied that he didn't know, and repeated his tale of woe about the cruelly unfair teacher. I figured we'd better get to the bottom of all this, lest my dear son be collared for truancy. I called the teacher, and got the facts from her. Eli didn't want to complete his work, because he wanted to do worksheets instead of whatever subject it was time for. He expressed his displeasure by refusing politely several times to complete the work. That obstinate woman who calls herself a teacher didn't get the idea, so he picked it up and threw it at her. Yep, he really did that.
Then she proceeded to tell me that actually, since we're talking about it - Eli has been combative in school for several months. He refuses to do any work that he isn't interested in, walks out of class if they are having reading time, and has had the literacy teacher return him to class on several occasions because he refuses to cooperate. He cries whenever things don't go his way (what? MY Eli? So unlike him . . . ) and generally treats teachers and aides like something he noticed stuck to the bottom of his shoe - unless of course, he wants something from them. All I can say is -- "Yippee! I have company now!!" I wonder if they'd like to have coffee sometime? Maybe we could set up cry sessions?
I did encourage her to stay in touch about what's going on in school, so that we can support them at home. Then I got off the phone and made Eli cry some more. As soon as I told him I was speaking with his teacher, his face turned a bit paler. I explained to him that she had told me the story of the time out, and I also informed him that I knew how he'd been acting in general. Then, I got out the calendar, and marked off each day that he was grounded from TV and video games. By the time we reached day 7, he had cried an actual river. I always thought that was just an expression. Don't worry, I stopped at 7, I promise!
I know that Eli has been through hell, and I know how stressful this transition must be for him. But it's also so important that Eli learn that negative behavior has consequences, and that he must work hard to succeed. He needs to learn that within any relationship, mutual respect must exist, and that we all have to do things we don't necessarily feel like. Hopefully, having the two things he loves best in the world removed for awhile will at least stop him from strolling out of classrooms where the teacher isn't holding his interest.
Ugh. Calgon.
~ Jen
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3 comments:
I'm rethinking reading this blog first thing in the morning when I get to work (one reason I come in early) because now....I'm going to go have a good cry!!! Or a bad cry or a long cry...good grief, I probably shouldn't say this or even think it but I have so here it is..Eli, do you remember what your life was like at the orphanage before your mom & dad brought you to a new and wonderful and Blessed family???!!!
Oh good grief, now you're going to start crying too?!
I think that Eli just doesn't get the relationship thing yet. He mistakes kindness for weakness, and doesn't understand why people that have been kind to him won't do his bidding all of the time. He doesn't know how to have a relationship that isn't about serving HIM. I'm hoping and praying that it will come, because certainly he can't feel that his present course of action is working out very well, can he?
Hey I know the pain you are going through-I agree with the way you handle your son and I also know many family's that was strict at the begining only to have a lovely time after the child understands how things are done-I think that some people have not adopted an older child and have no IDEA what we are going through and if they think They can do it better try doing it themselves instead of complaying about the things we do to make sure the kids don't end up in jail or injured beacause in FL if you hit a teacher you will be arrested even in K-5! sorry if I was so blunt!
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